Secret Love
by Potterheadraven
Summary: It all starts when Hermione arrives late to a DADA lesson, after a night spent crying over Ron kissing Lavender. Then, come the detentions with Severus Snape. When she glimpses part of the human hidden underneath his carefully crafted defenses, she simply can't get enough. A slow building romance that sticks to the plot of book 6 and 7. COMPLETE! Leave a review if you like :)
1. Chapter 1 : Heartbreak

**Author's note** : Hello everyone! Thank you for taking the time to read my very first fanfiction! Write a review if you feel like it, I always appreciate them! **Little disclaimer (that is valid for the whole fic)** : I obviously own nothing of this, except for the Hermione and Severus' interaction! All of the rest is the Queen JK Rowling's property!

Their kiss played over and over in her head. His red hair being hidden from her view by _her's_ , so brown and tame. The contrary of Hermione's bushy and unmanageable mound of hair. His strong arms coming up to grasp Lavender around the waist while she clung with all her might to his neck.

Shock.

Hurt.

Confusion.

More hurt.

Hermione had to get out. She couldn't stand watching it repeat in front of her and being engraved in her head. It seemed as if nothing else existed to her, except from them together in the center of the Gryffindor common room.

She had to get out.

Anger.

Jealousy.

Boiling in her veins.

Forcing her into action.

She tore her eyes from the scene that was bringing bile to her throat.

Tore her eyes from them.

Together.

Kissing.

And half stumbled, half ran, out of the portrait hole. She thought she heard Harry's voice behind her, calling out her name, but she didn't care. Didn't care about anything except getting away from them.

Together.

 _Kissing._

All over again.

She stepped out into the corridor and started running blindly, trying to put the most distance between herself and the boy she thought reciprocated her feelings. The only thing she heard were her erratic footsteps leading her in a direction that she wasn't choosing. She was on autopilot, going who knows where, but going and that's all that counted for the moment. She started to feel tears filling her eyes, threatening to overflow. So she let them. Her adrenaline was slowly running out, leaving her feeling breathless. But that feeling was nothing compared to the hole she felt somewhere in her chest. She collapsed, crying on the floor next to a wall. She realized that she had sent herself to the Astronomy tower. It was a starry night outside, the kind that was perfect for star-gazing. But Hermione never star-gazed. She thought that action was more suitable for the weaker minded folk, those who believed in divination. Lavender believed in divination. She burst into even heavier sobs, her whole body wracking in effort to free herself from her pain. Ron! Ron! Ron...

She had started questioning her feelings for him after the Battle at the Ministry, last year. He had been pretty badly injured by the brains in the time room which had scared her greatly. Then, this year, whenever Ron would say something nice to her, it would make her day. But, she didn't know how to make her feelings known to him. Her parents, thought obviously in love, weren't prone to PDA and flirting wasn't something you learnt in a textbook.

And now it was probably too late! Hermione tried and failed to calm the flow of tears that seems to be never ending.

Minutes turned into hours as she sat there crying. Slowly, her tears calmed and she drifted off into a troubled sleep.


	2. Chapter 2 : Late

Hermione was uncomfortable.

Why was her bed so hard?

And cold?

Where was that breeze coming from?

She slowly opened her eyes blinking. Her throat was dry and her face felt rather dirty. She rubbed the sleepiness out of her eyes and notice that she was on the cold, hard floor of the Astronomy tower. Confusion was quickly replaced as the events of the last night came crashing back down on her. Ron… And Lavender…

She choked back a sob and sat up, her back protesting in the process. Light was streaming through the bay windows, announcing a beautiful day. Hermione felt like the weather of the day was an insult to how she was feeling. She only wanted to go back to sleep, to forget the permanent pain where her heart should be.

But Hermione wasn't one to abandon anything and would have nightmares about missing class. She would never, EVER skip a lesson, unless she was vomiting up her insides. Even then, she would probably find a way to go.

She stood up and stretched, trying to keep Ron off her mind. She checked her watch. 9:10 am. That meant class started 10 minutes ago. Wait what? She did a double take and started running **.** Hermione had Defense Against the Dark Arts this morning (she had memorized her timetable by her second lesson of the year) and Snape would absolutely _kill_ her if she was late!

Mind you, she had never came late to a lesson in her 6 years of schooling.

Well, she thought grimly, there's a first time for everything.

She continued her hurried race, coming to the door of the DADA classroom in under five minutes. There, she quickly tied her hair up in a makeshift bun and with a flick of her wand, had some glamour on her face. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

Severus was ecstatic when he noticed that the main link in the Tarnished Trio was missing in his Defense classroom that morning. He glared around at his students, stopping a bit longer on Longbottom, the boy who couldn't make a potion if his life depended on it, who flinched and flicked his wand. Suddenly, the windows that were letting in the morning light slammed shut.

'Today we shall be working on non-verbal curses. Pair up and attempt to disarm your opponent without making any sound, while the other attempts to block the spell,' he drawled in his rich and deep baritone. 'And, good luck to however pairs up with Longbottom, I certainly wouldn't want to be in your shoes,' he finished with obvious sarcasm.

The students paired up, The Boy Who Lived to Torment him went with the dumbest of the Weasleys and prepared their stance.

'On my mark', he commanded, 'ready, set, CURSE.'

The students waved their wands, but none fulfilled the spell, thought there was some feeble wand movements from their opponents.

'Disgraceful', he snarled, disgusted, 'none of you were able to cast the spell. Well, I wouldn't expect much better from a group of _Gryffindors_.' He said the name as if it burnt his tongue to speak it. 'AGAIN', he roared, 'and this time, try to not make a fool of yourselfs, could you?'. He smirked, and started to pace around the students. All of them wore insulted and angry expressions on their concentrated faces. Yes, he thought, let them use their anger against me to perform the spell and prove me wrong.

A few more minutes passed, all in almost complete silence, save for the flourishing of wands, and Severus's scathing comments.

'Why Mister Finnigan, are you ever able to disarm another with that poor wandwork? Tsk, tsk, such waste.'

Then, as quick and authoritatively as it started, there was a rap on the door. _Yes_ , he thought with a twisted smile on his face. 'Do come in, _Miss Granger_.'

She entered looking small and self-conscious, and Severus caught the Potter boy and his sidekick give each other meaningful looks. Interesting, he remarqued. For Severus knew, it wasn't any day that the prized Granger girl came late to class.

Hermione was dying of embarrassment inside. Thought she always tried hard not to show it, the opinion of others mattered a great deal to her. She brought her gazed into the unreadable eyes of her professor and hope that the rest of the class would go back to their lesson. They, sadly, did not.

'Well… Miss Granger…'. Snape seemed to make her name last for longer than it should. 'To what do you owe this blatant display of rudeness?'. He stared coldly into her eyes, willing her to shrink back. To his surprise, and disappointment, she did not, and chose instead to appear unabashed and replied daringly: 'I overslept, _sir_.' She too exaggerated the title, while thinking, with attitude, that two can play _that_ game.

Insolent Gryffindor, thought Severus sourly, she'll regret having challenged me.

'So…', he drawled menacingly, slowly starting to pace around her, 'so…'.

The tension in the classroom air was palpable. Students rarely addressed him in that manner and got away with it. They were all waiting with baited breath for Professor Snape's verdict.

Hermione shifted rather uncomfortably under the Professor's hard glare. She already wished she could take back her words. They had came out just like that, full of an attitude Hermione never spoke teachers with. She caught Harry's eye, who mouthed 'Are you okay?' and she nodded almost imperceptibly. Ron tried to get her attention also, but she ignored him. She realized glumly that he and Harry probably didn't know what she'd gone through the night before. They were so blind sometimes!

That thought brought her out of her thinking, for the man staring her down was definitely not blind to her musings. He had stopped his pacing and now stood directly in front of her. His eyes, that never betrayed any emotions, seemed to be staring right into her very soul.

Hermione then remember how skilled at Occlumency Snape was, and quickly blinked. She would absolutely have died if he knew what was tormenting her. Even so, she stared straight into his eyes. She wouldn't lose her composure in front of her pairs, much less her Professor and much _much_ less Ron and his new _girlfriend_.

Severus was enjoying this moment far too much. He had been waiting for ages to put the famous Granger on the spot for disobedience. That being said, he knew it was likely to happen again, so he was going to make the most of it.

'So, the Gryffindor Princess _found it in her power_ to oversleep and come _late_ to my class?', he asked, though not waiting for an answer, he continued, stressing the words and stepping closer to her in the process. 'She found it in her power to _disrupt_ this class ever so _impolitely_ and speak to me as if she owns _the whole of England_! Miss Granger finds all of that _perfectly_ normal, doesn't she? Because she gets a few _mediocre_ grades here and there, she expects all of us _to bow down to her wishes_!' He stopped after that last statement that ended almost in a shout, and turned his head slightly so he was longer looking only at her, but to the rest of the class as well. 'If anyone dares to speak up, Miss Granger will get the double of detentions', he whispered menacingly, for he had spotted Potter in the corner of his eye, ready to defend his friend. Severus knew he had exhausted his ideas of her flaws, and also knew he had grossly exaggerated them too. He was rather impressed by her academic results, though he would never voice that opinion aloud.

Hermione, on the other hand, had gone through a roller coaster of emotions since the starting of her professor's monologue. At first, she was truly embarrassed and tried to not let it show. She had obviously failed, for Snape had smirked when he saw the color rising to her cheeks. Then, when he had falsely! insulted her academic results, she had to hold back from correcting him, because she knew it would do her no good. But, she was grateful that he had told the others off, because Harry had other things to worry about, and an extra detention wouldn't help.

So now she stood, slightly embarrassed, and slightly proud that she had the audacity to hold her head up to a man such as Severus Snape, and waited.

Severus had let that pause occur, simply for dramatic effect. He now lowered his face to hers and whispered for he knew that everyone would hear even his faintest whisper: 'I think a detention per minute shall do. So ten detentions it is, Miss Granger, starting tonight at 8 o'clock. And, _don't_ be late', he smirked. Then, with his trademark swirl of robes turned and headed to the front of the class, leaving a very put out and still red Hermione in its center.

 **Author's note** : Thanks for reading this story! Sorry chapter one was so short, they should be around this length or longer in the future! I'll try to update as soon as I can! Reviews help to make the story better, so thanks to those who take the time to do so! :)


	3. Chapter 3 : Detention

The rest of her Defense against the Dark Arts class passed agonizingly slowly. Hermione, although rather good at spells in general, well, rather good at _any magic_ in general, had a difficulty concentrating on her non-verbal spells. Since she arrived late, she had no one to pair up with, and had to practice with the git himself. When they had worked on them at the starting of the year, Professor Snape couldn't pass any negative comment on her casting. But now, he took every single opportunity to snap, smirk and outline her failings. She could tell that Harry and Ron wanted to talk to her, to reassure her, but Snape never let her out of sight, never gave her the opportunity to speak to them.

Close to the end of the lesson, Hermione felt exhausted. She was emotionally and physically exhausted and wanted nothing more than to get out of that classroom and away from her teacher and Ron and Harry's pitying glances.

Severus on the other hand was having the best lesson yet. Miss Granger's non-verbal spells were far from their standard and he was taking advantage of it. Some hidden part of him wondered quietly why her casting was so poor, but he quickly push that question aside and continued to torment her. For all he knew, it was probably just some petty drama, that should hardly interfere with her magical abilities. He knew that she could take his harsh comments and that they would be fuel to her fire, thus insuring that she perform better. That was one of his main reasons to his criticism of his students. Slytherins strived with praise but Gryffindors rose to the occasion when injustice was present.

Severus sometimes regretted treating his students the way he did. Sometimes, it wasn't even the student who performed badly, simply that he was having a tough time with his role as spy, who could, in one mistake, change drastically the course of the war. His patience was thinning and had been doing so ever since the return of the Dark Lord.

Miss Granger failed to block his disharming spell for the umpteenth time, and so with a mocking smirk he called imperiously the end of the lesson, a split second before the bell rang.

Hermione was just tying her hair back up, it had fallen bit by bit during the lesson, and starting to walk towards the exit, when Professor Snape's baritone drawl stopped her in her pace.

'Miss Granger, a word'.

Automatically her shoulders slumped and she turn painstakingly towards the direction from which the sentence had been pronounced.

Harry had turned too, but with a different stance. His was defensive and accusing, instead of defeated and fairly put out.

'What for, _sir_ ?' he asked, though not waiting for an answer. 'She's already had enough of your beatings. Just leave her alone.' With this he stepped closer to her and put an arm around her slumped shoulders, reassuringly.

To this Professor Snape raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to respond when Hermione intervened.

'Really Harry, it's fine, I'll meet you in Transfiguration. Just go, or you'll be late', she said, a bit annoyed by Harry's act of defiance.

'But-' Harry started again, startled by Hermione's wishes, when she cut him off, shrugging his arm off her.

'Just go, Harry'.

He looked at her, hurt in his eyes and turned to walk stiffly out of the classroom. The bang of the closing door behind him was Hermione's cue to look back up to her Professor, who had surprisingly said nothing during their exchange. He stood in front of her with his arms crossed and his stand tall.

'Yes?'she asked softly.

'For your detention tonight, bring a quill and a lot of ink Miss Granger. You'll be writing lines,' Severus explained curtly.

He was waiting for a reaction from her, some spark of indignation in her eyes, but got only a small nod.

'Is that all, Professor?'

'Yes.'

She nodded and made her way halfheartedly out of the room.

Severus was then struck by an image of a defeated Miss Granger, image that he had never imagined seeing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hermione entered the Transfiguration classroom in a hurry and sat down in her usual chair, to the left of Ron, with Harry just on Ron's other side.

She had barely taken her books out when Ron leaned over to her.

Keeping his eyes to the front of the class so that Professor McGonagall wouldn't notice, he spoke quietly: 'Are you okay Hermione?'

His voice so full of concern was like a kick start to Hermione's anger that she had kept subdued since she first saw him kiss Lavender the night before. Her head snapped towards his and she whispered angrily: 'Yes, I am perfectly _fine_ Ronald! I mean, who doesn't _LOVE_ getting ten detentions with Snape?'

Ron backed up, eyebrows scrunched in confusion and murmured something about _women_ and their _time of month_ to which Hermione gave him an icy glare.

The rest of the lesson passed normally, with Hermione trying as hard as she could to concentrate, to block out the doe-eyed glances between Ron and Lavender.

When the lesson was done, Hermione went to the Great Hall for lunch, not even waiting for the boys. She sat down at their regular spot and had started eating when they came in, though with Lavender in toll. She choked on her soup.

By the time Hermione had finished coughing and had washed down her throat with some water, Harry had plonked himself down next to her and Ron, with Lavender holding his hand, had both seated themselves in front of her. Hermione didn't even feel like eating anymore.

Harry started talking by complaining loudly how unfair it was to give someone ten detentions for being late. Ron seconded the opinion while helping himself generously to the food in front of him. Lavender, who hadn't even glanced in Hermione's direction started to speak.

'Well, _I_ don't think that it's unfair to give a detention to someone who came late,' she started haughtily, 'I mean, it's just _so_ impolite!'

At that, Hermione looked up to Lavender's taunting face then to Ron, who gazed at his food as if he wanted to disappear and finally to Harry, who was blissfully unaware, too engrossed in a conversation with Ginny.

'Isn't that interesting,' Hermione spat out, rage boiling in her veins, ' I thought you were too daft to have an opinion on any else, except for clothes, shoes and boys, Lavender!'And with that, she stood up and swept out of the Great Hall.

Hermione didn't go to any of her afternoon lessons.

She exited the Great Hall and made a beeline to the Astronomy Tower, trying to not break down in tears before arriving there. Once she was in the relative comfort of the Tower, she spent the next hours alternating between cursing Ron and crying over him. She cried so much that it gave her a headache. Then she curled up in a ball and tried to sleep.

She rose when it was time for her detention, ten minutes before eight, and started towards the defense classroom. She felt a weird sense of detachment, her mind was rather blank, as if all the crying had rid her of any other emotion. She knocked resolutely on the room's door. From within came a curt : 'Enter', so she did as told, pushing the door open.

Inside, Severus was sitting at his desk, correcting essays, or at least trying, for he had been waiting with anticipation for this detention ever since he had given it. There was something about finally catching the famed Miss Granger out of bounds that made one feel powerful. He had just spent the dinner time meal gloating about it to Minerva, and it had felt _good_ , a bit of satisfaction to have triumphed over her and her prized student. Evidently, Minerva had been outraged at his punishment, but couldn't do anything about it, ending the discussion in a rather tensed air.

Now, as Miss Granger pushed open the door, Severus didn't lift up his head from his correcting to welcome her, simply said in a mocking tone : 'Quill and ink out Miss Granger, sit here', he gestured to an empty desk close to his own, 'and you will write for me two hundred lines stating "I must not come to my lessons late".'

Hermione walked over to her desk and sat down with a bit too much force than necessary. Professor Snape noticed such and looked up, eyebrow raised questioningly but also giving a warning. Then, his expression changed to one of almost shock as he took in her appearance.

 _Shit_ , thought Hermione, the glamour!

In her absence of feeling after an afternoon of crying, she had forgotten to put up her facade and her Professor had noticed. She cringed because she knew that she probably looked real bad, and the last person she wanted to notice was the man staring in shock at her.

Severus thought that after years as a spy, he would be to conceal his surprise better. But he just wasn't expecting a disheveled and tear streaked Miss Granger to appear. She looked real bad, hair sticking out weirdly, eyes red and puffy. He quickly masked his reaction but not quickly enough, for he saw a flicker of realization in her eyes. She blinked then took out her wand and murmured a glamour spell. Instantly her face cleared all signs of the previous distress and her hair calmed down slightly. Severus then realized that it was the same rather fake look she was wearing in the morning.

An awkward silence settled between them. Hermione wished nothing more than to look away but she couldn't tear her eyes from Professor Snape's now emotionless face. His dark eyes stared into her golden brown ones and she felt some sort of a tickle in her thoughts. Realizing was he was attempting to do, she pushed him out mentally and scrunched her brows.

'If you wanted to know what's wrong, _Professor_ ', the spite that filled her voice was almost tangible, 'then you should learn to ask.'

He blinked then a scowl appeared and he growled: 'What makes you think I have any _interest_ in your meaningless problems, Miss Granger?'

'Nothing much', she responded shrewdly, 'aside for your failed attempt at Legilimens seconds ago.'

His scowl became even more pronounced at that accusation and he bit back the insult that rose to mind. She was right of course, and he felt stupid about it.

'Don't try to outsmart me, Miss Granger, for we both know how it will end.' He was about to finish with that menace hanging in the air when he surprised himself for the third time that evening by saying : 'And don't waste your time on boys who aren't worth you either.'

He ducked down to his essays, leaving a curtain of limp black hair to shadow his, although brief, confused face. He hadn't meant to tell her what he had seen inside her head, how he had felt her hurt while watching Mr Weasley and Miss Brown kiss.

Unbeknownst to him, Hermione was still watching her Professor, trying to figure out why he was acting strangely. She took out her quill and ink pot and started her lines. It took her awhile to finish, but when she did, she stood up, put her sheet on his desk and walked out of the room.

Unbeknownst to her, Severus was still pondering what had happened. It had been the third time his defenses had weakened, allowing Miss Granger to glimpse the human beneath his carefully crafted walls. But it would be the last time, Severus vowed to himself silently.

 **Author's note:** Sorry that it took so long to update! I'll try to post a chapter once a week!

Thanks to those who review, to the Guest reader and **nonymouse OK**! And thanks to those that stick with this story so far!

But also, to **megzela**! Your fic Once Upon a Dream, was the first Snamione fic I read, and really introduce me to the ship! So thanks for your review too; I normally read my chapters over a few times, but I'll try to be even more careful in the future!


	4. Chapter 4 : Confrontation

Hermione left her first detention really confused.

In all her six years at Hogwarts, she had never known Severus Snape to say a _single_ , _little_ compliment to a Gryffindor. Much less a compliment on something not even school related.

She didn't know if she should feel tick off, since he had performed Legilimens on her and had seen Ron and Lavender's kiss. Or if she should feel embarrassed because he now knew her feelings for Ron, and had seen her looking like, well, _shit_? Or, if she should feel thankful? For that… compliment? Was it even a compliment? Had he meant to say that she was worth more than Ron? Or had he meant to say that she shouldn't waste her time on boys in general?

Hermione didn't know what to think.

She returned to the Gryffindor common room still pondering. Inside, she quickly spotted Harry, who was talking animatedly with Ginny. She continued to advance in the room and saw Ron. He was lounging on a double couch, with Lavender on him, between his legs. They looked really happy there, sitting in front of the crackling fire. It seemed to have been a short interlude between their passionate snogging sessions, for they quickly started kissing again.

Hermione felt the all too familiar pang in her gut, but this time, it was fainter. Her thoughts were too occupied with what she had just witnessed. And so, she walked calmly through the room and up the stairs leading to her dormitory. She changed into her pyjamas, still thinking about her professor's (dare she say it?) kind words. The silky way his voice caressed her name was the last thing she thought about before falling asleep.

The next day passed rather quickly. It was a bit awkward at breakfast, Harry trying his best to keep a casual conversation going. Hermione made up a story on the spot about not feeling too well, throwing in a mention of cramps, just to see Ron and Harry blush, when they asked why she wasn't there during the afternoon lessons the day before. Lavender would vary between ignoring her and shooting her icy glares. Hermione chose to pass the least time in their presence (it wasn't really nice to see her and Ron snogging all the time) and to ignore Lavender all together. Her answers to Harry's attempts at conversation were curt and to the point, and she would excuse herself after having eaten rapidly, to escape to the library. There, she worked on her essays and some research on the Half-Blood Prince. She wanted to prove her point to Harry, that the Prince title didn't necessarily mean that the person known as such was male.

After a short dinner, and some more, well needed, library time, Hermione emerged and set foot towards her detention.

She was a bit nervous. All day, she had been wondering about the dark man and what he had said.

Hermione had always been fascinated by Professor Snape. She could still remember perfectly her very first Potions lesson during her first year.

She had sat there, a small eleven year old girl, wide eyes, buck-teeth and bushy hair, completely entranced, mesmerised by the man in front of her. He had spoke of such incredible things and her young mind had grasped them with all she had. His talk of bottling fame, brewing glory and stopping death had left her with the seeds of curiosity that could only grow.

She then knew that her Potions professor, who stood tall, imposing, dark and impenetrable, was to be for her a role model and that she would do anything to prove to him her worth.

And now, six years later, she found herself in front of the same Professor's door, who had told her the night before that she was worth more than the boy who she thought to be in love with. She knocked.

Severus had tried to push the events of last night out of his mind. Even his routinely Occlumency session, essential to maintain the Dark Lord's trust, couldn't rid him of his carelessly spoken words. He was a spy thought! If Voldemort, the most feared wizard in the land, wasn't able to have such effect in him that he'd blown his act, how could a simple student do so?

But Severus knew he was lying to himself.

He reasoned that he didn't lose his composure when in the presence of the Dark Lord because doing so meant sudden death.

He also reasoned that last night's words were the result of severe sleep deprivation, stress about Draco and stress about what Dumbledore had asked him to do.

Still, it didn't excuse the fact that Miss Granger wasn't a simple student.

He had noticed her when he'd first stepped into his Potions classroom all those years ago. Of course, he had spotted the Potter boy first, but the child was too much of a painful reminder of the union of the woman he loved and the man he hated. His eyes scanned the fresh faces all around, judging them as he loved to do at the start of each year, while he recited his carefully crafted start of term speech. His gaze was caught by a pair of doe brown eyes staring up into his with rapt attention, seemingly drinking in his every word. He had been taken aback by the look of intelligence in her eyes, for he had never seen it in quite anybody else before.

He scowled and stood up. walking purposefully towards her. She looked nervous, but still confident. He now stood directly in front of her, arms crossed and with a defensive stance.

'Two hundred lines stating : '' I must not come late to my Defence Against the Dark Arts class'', Miss Granger' he drawled, eyes never leaving her's. She nodded and looked around for an empty desk before heading for it. Since they were standing rather close, she brushed past him when she walked to the seat. The soft contact of her robes against his, almost inexistante, still sent shivers up his whole body. What the hell? he thought, surprised and confused, what just happened? Why the heck did I shiver?

Hermione on the other hand was now sitting down and had started to take her things out. She set off for the laborious task of writing lines. The only sound that could be heard in the cold and dimly lit classroom was the scratching of her quill. From time to time, Hermione would take a break to massage her hurting hand and would look up at her teacher. He was sitting in his chair, legs crossed comfortably as he read a book. His eyes scanned the page in a calm and almost relax manner. His graceful hands would turn the pages in regular intervalles, hardly making any noise. Each time, Hermione stared at him a bit longer than normal, thinking, would then blink, blush and turn back to her lines when she noticed. He didn't react thought, just kept reading as if she wasn't there.

A bit more than an hour had passed before Hermione rose and put her parchment on Professor Snape's desk. He didn't move, so she turned to go back to her desk, to put away her quill and ink in her bag. She was happy to be done with this detention, because it was the last one before her Christmas vacation.

She was almost done putting her things away when Snape's curt voice echoed through the room.

'Again'

She stopped and turned around to glance at him, rather confused. He hadn't stirred but her parchment, that was there only seconds ago, had disappeared.

'Pardon?' She asked, biting her lip. Professor Snape finished his page, closed his book while still looking at it and put it down on his desk quietly. He uncrossed his legs and leaned back into his chair with his hands placed softly on his knees. His face was impassive but his dark eyes looked sharp. He opened his mouth and enunciated clearly, as if she was daft: 'Again'.

Severus saw Miss Granger's brow furrow, a look of honest confusion on her face. She looked like she was leading an eternal battle, for she bit her lip with more ardor and hesitated before answering. 'Hum, again? Two hundred lines, _again_?' She looked straight into his eyes though, challenging him to back down. Severus curled his lip into a mocking grimace. 'Is there a problem, Miss Granger?' he asked with obvious sarcasm. Her face took on an expression of almost comical surprise but she said nothing, chose instead to shake her head. She turned and headed back to her desk. Severus was watching her carefully. Truthfully, she had _surprised_ him, had accepted his unfair punishment to easily. Was that because she was still heartbroken because of Weasley?

He was about to think more of it, when he reminded himself that he wasn't supposed to care. He had too much on his plate without the petty troubles of one of his students. He picked up his book and emersed himself in it again.

An hour and a half later (it was harder to write the lines the second time!), Hermione put her things away, stood up, walked purposely up to her Professor's desk and put the parchment there. He didn't react. _Of course_ , she thought. So she continued to stand directly in front of him. A minute passed in tense silence, Hermione standing and Snape sitting, reading. She was trying to formulate her words to tell him what she'd been thinking about for the past hour and a half. Snape sighed, closed his book with a snap and his eyes, rubbed them and drawled : 'What do you want Granger?' Her response came after a slight pause, low and uncertain. 'I just don't understand you Professor… One minute you're complimenting me, being almost _nice_ , the next you're overly punishing me…' His dark eyes opened and he stared at her, no emotion displayed.

'And pray, Miss Granger… What made you think I was complimenting you?' Hermione had that answer ready. 'Well, what you said yesterday…'

'Yesterday? The comment about you and Weasley?' he asked, still not betraying any emotion. She nodded and didn't back down, feeling more confident now. Although Professor Snape wasn't surprised, she thought he seemed at least a bit curious, because he hadn't dismissed her yet. She started to speak when Professor Snape interrupted her. 'Miss Granger, I thought you had at least a smidgen of a brain more than your classmates.' She opened her mouth to protest, confidence now completely restored when he insulted her intelligence. 'I'm just not a nice person in general. Don't make the mistake of thinking so.'

Hermione might've imagined it, because it vanished the second she glimpse it, but she thought she glimpsed regret in his eyes.

Severus then motioned towards the door. 'You are dismissed', he said without feeling. He looked at her expecting her to leave. He just wanted to retire to his chambers. Curse the Granger girl! She was still standing there, still _defying_ him, her bag slung across her body, hair in a messy knot on the top of her head. Her eyes were still fierce and determined, unrelenting, not willing to back down. Severus stood up, pushing his chair roughly backwards in the process. Leaning on the desk with his hands he menaced : 'Miss Granger, if you don't leave this classroom _now_ , you'll be attending the double of the detentions.'

That seemed to smack some sense into her. She inhaled sharply, cocked her head and sighed. 'I understand that you need to act a certain way because you're a spy, but I don't think that your _disguise_ ', at this she waved her hand indicating his whole body, 'is the _real_ you. I think-' Severus cut her off by lifting his hand and advancing towards her. He was breathing harder now, anger was starting to boil in his veins. How _dare_ she make assumptions about him? Oh the Gryffindor _chit_! He was now a mere thirty centimeters away from her. She had closed her small mouth and looked a bit sad, almost pitying. He stared her down, willing her just to shut up and go away. 'And what makes you think, _Miss Granger_ , what gives you the _audacity to think,_ that I care in any way what you think about me?' his cold and deep voice rang through the dungeons.

Hermione was stumped. There was honestly no reason for Professor Snape to care about her opinion on him. And why did she start thinking about him in that way, anyway? It had started as she was writing and had really piqued her curiosity. It had taken all of her courage to tell him what she thought.

But why would he care?

Her brilliant mind was spinning, theories popping up, though none of them were plausible. Why would he care?

She couldn't take his eyes staring at her, dark eyes that knew she had no answer. He was too close; she could hear his labored breaths his angered breathing, could feel it on her face and could smell his particular scent, scent that she only now paid attention to, even though she must've smelt it a thousand times, a soft mix of freshly cut plants and potion ingredients. She could feel her heart beating hard in her chest, loud in her ears. She was so close to him, and she had suddenly a crazy desire to close the distance between them, to become lost in his strong, _safe_ body. The idea was so strange that she broke the eye contact they had been sustaining, by shaking her head and blinking rapidly as if to chase away the thought. I'm tired, she reasoned, thought not totally believing it.

'I don't… Know, Professor.' Her answer was shaky, uncertain.

Severus was trying with difficulty to keep his emotions in check. What was it about the girl that made it impossible for him to control himself?

He needed to think. He needed to forget. He needed for her to get _out_.

'Get out.' his cold command were the last words exchanged between them, as Hermione turned at left.

Her regular footsteps brought her back up to her deserted common room. Again, thoughts of her Professor accompanied her to deep sleep.

Severus, on the other hand, got very little sleep that night. He stayed up to late hours, still pondering why Miss Granger had such an effect on him.

And why, when he had accidently slipped into her mind and he'd seen, why had she wanted to _melt into him_?

 **Author's note:** Sorry for the late update!

Thanks to my reviewers : pianomouse, nonymouse OK, Amarenima Redwood and Sassyluv :D

And thanks to my readers :)


	5. Chapter 5 : Cormac

**Warning** : I had to boost the rating on this story because of a scene that happens in this chapter. I hope that it doesn't bother you guys!

Hermione awoke the next morning feeling oddly happy. She had slept well, a dreamless sleep and was ready for the day. She sat up, stretched, then waited a few seconds, thinking in the privacy of her bed surrounded by her curtains.

Hermione then remembered that tonight was Slughorn's Christmas party.

She cringed, sighed and flopped back onto her bed. Closing her eyes, she remembered that in a fit of jealousy and fury because of Ron, she'd invited McLaggen to accompany her. Dear God! It will be a long night.

Resigned to her fate, she rose again, got dressed and headed down to Great Hall for some breakfast. She sat down, she was one of the first at the Gryffindor table, served herself, then started reading a book on potions. She had yet to crack the Half-Blood Prince enigma and it was starting to bug her. She was reading different potion books in hope to find alterations in the recipes and ingredients. So far, no such luck.

Severus had a bad night.

He wasn't able to shake away Miss Granger's words. They echoed in his head, sometimes being whispered, sometimes being yelled.

Questions were forming in his head, swirling around, always without answers.

Why did she care? What made her think of him _in that way_? Why had she wanted to hug him? But most importantly: why did what she say affect him so much?

He's spent a restless night tossing and turning, thus getting very little sleep. That, combined with the fact that he needed to assist to Slughorn's Christmas party, put him in a very foul mood.

By the time he was in the Great Hall for breakfast, he'd already taken twenty points from two separate Gryffindors, assigned a detention to a Ravenclaw and reduced a Hufflepuff girl to tears. Needless to say, he was feeling a tad better.

That all stopped though when he spotted from the High Table Miss Granger eating breakfast alone, engrossed in a book. Why is she alone? he thought sourly, scowling around the Hall. He also saw Draco and sighed. He would need to talk to the boy about his attempts of killing the Headmaster. He tried to keep his eyes away from the Granger girl, but somehow he kept glancing subtly in her direction. She was reading intensly and from his line of vision, could see that she had been holding her spoon with exactly the same porridge in it for about a minute. He almost let a small smile grace his lips when he thought better of it and scowled deeper. Why was he thinking about her all the time? He let out an aggravated breath then stood up, disturbing the professors on either sides of him, who looked at him with mixed confusion and annoyance. He nodded to them slightly then proceeded to exit the Great Hall. To do so, he had to walk next to the Gryffindor table, meaning right next to Miss Granger. As he started to walk, he was aware of the eyes of students on him. He kept his trademark stride and billowing robes even as he passed her, not paying any attention to her whatsoever. She was only a student, only another dunderhead, he repeated to himself as he strode confidently pass her. He didn't check if she had moved, he didn't care anymore. He had more pressing matters to deal to. He had to meet with Dumbledore to discuss Draco and was mentally preparing himself to a Christmas vacation filled with summons from the Dark Lord.

She was only a student and her opinions on him didn't matter anymore. _She_ didn't matter anymore.

Hermione hadn't noticed Snape was in the Great Hall for breakfast until he strode past her. She knew it was him without even having to lift her head, his gait being so recognizable.

Suddenly, she remembered wanting to be held by him the night before. What was she thinking? Hugging _Snape_? She snorted while taking a sip of her water, which resulted in a few judging glances from those close to her. She didn't care though, she had been thinking of her Professor in a not very appropriate way, for goodness sakes! How old was Snape anyway? Like forty? No wait, she thought while calculating quickly. Harry's parents died around fifteen years ago, and they were about twenty-one by then, which would make Snape, who went to school with them, about thirty-six. She was seventeen. Well, technically eighteen if you factored in the year added by the use of the time-turner in her third year. Nineteen year difference! She rolled her eyes. What was she _thinking_? _SNAPE_! She shook her head vigorously, half chuckling, half grimacing at the thought of having entertain the notion of having any feelings for Severus Snape, that were more than the average student-teacher relationship. She finished her breakfast, stood up and left the Great Hall, internally laughing about her weird impulsive thought last night. Boy, she must've been tired!

She didn't regret speaking to Snape though. She was confident about her conclusions on him. Even if Harry, Ron and almost the whole population who knew Snape thought ill of him, she had always been convinced otherwise. There something about _him_ that made her feel safe in his presence, made her trust him.

Pushing that out of her mind, she made her way to her first class of the day, already dreading having to assist to Slughorn's Christmas party.

Hermione had just returned from telling Ron and Lavender about how she was going to Slughorn's party with Cormac. It had felt amazing! The look on Ron's face was well worth it! She had to admit though that Ron and Lavender's entanglement still made her sad, but less than before. She considered this as she was putting on her dress for the party. Was she over him? She didn't have an answer for that, but she knew that the pain had lessened over the days.

She glanced at herself a last time before leaving the bathroom and going down the stairs to the Gryffindor common room. She was wearing a simple pink cocktail dress with a short golden necklace. She had let her hair loose but pinned up to the side her front strands, for it was proving to be more manageable today, a fact she was thankful for. She was feeling a bit nervous, not about the party, but about having to walk through the common room all dressed up, in front of Ron. She was at the foot of the stairs now, waiting for nothing in particular, except maybe her courage.

Hermione took a deep breath, then stepped out.

At first, nothing changed. Everyone was still talking, messing around, doing some homework. Then, she heard some whispers and noticed some looks in her direction. That didn't matter to her though, she only wanted to see Ron and Lavender's reactions. Strangely, they were taking a break from eating each other's faces and seemed to be waiting for something. They saw her a bit after she spotted them. Hermione pretended to not look at them at all, but didn't miss Ron's stunned look and Lavender's scrunched brow. She smirk, satisfied, but still feeling strangely empty, as jumped out of the portrait hole, almost bumping into Cormac.

To say that the night wasn't going well was an understatement. Cormac, although very attractive, was incredibly self-centered and had absolutely no manners whatsoever. He had been showing-off to Hermione when he'd stopped talking and had just looked at her. She was a bit uncomfortable, because they were currently under the mistletoe, in a secluded corner and Cormac had a strange and almost hungry look in his eyes. She fidgeted and coughed slightly. Then she thought, whatever, a quick snog can't hurt. His eyes slid down to her lips and back up again, before he grabbed her by the small of her back and on the bottom of her head, yanked her towards him and shoved his mouth on her's in the same jerky movement. Their lips met, Hermione parting her's ever so slightly while closing her eyes.

Almost at once, she realized her mistake. Cormac lips on her's felt wrong, too wet, too mushy, too pushy. His bottom hand had traveled downwards to her arse and had started gripping it painfully. His other hand behind her head just contributed to shoving her face more into his mouth.

It felt all wrong. So very, very, _horribly_ wrong.

Hermione having brought her arms up to wrap around Cormac's neck changed her path, and pushed him with great strength of her. His grip only loosened a bit, but she turned her head too, so that he was left there mouth open, standing awkwardly, arms still held up.

'Uh, I need a drink, I'll just be back, uh, don't look for me', she mumbled, walking backwards and looking around desperately around for someone to save her from this situation. Cormac opened his mouth to talk, but she turned and fled, leaving him dumbfounded in the corner.

Hermione sped up her pace, anxiously looking behind her to make sure Cormac was nowhere in sight. She saw a curtain and decided to hide behind it.

Hermione was still hiding from Cormac. She'd just finished a conversation with Harry behind the curtains and had escaped when Cormac had neared. Now she was meandering about, trying to stay out of his sight.

Suddenly, she saw Filch come in, dragging an irritated Draco Malfoy by the ear. She stopped hiding from Cormac to listen to this turn of events. It was bound to be interesting.

Severus night turned to the worst when Filch turned up, Draco in tow. He sighed then prepare to do some damage control. He wasn't tired of cleaning up after his godson, it was required for him to do so, for Dumbledore and for Narcissa. Still, he was clearly going to give him a good earful.

He advanced on Slughorn and Draco. Asking for a word with the boy, he exited the room to try to convince Draco to let him help him.

In the midst of the commotion surrounding Malfoy's appearance, then disappearance with Snape, Cormac caught up with Hermione.

He slid his arm around her waist and tugged her closer to him, possessively. The events under the mistletoe hadn't seemed to impact his determination. Hermione was feeling rather uncomfortable being held by him in that way, so she crossed her arms, setting up an unconscious barrier between them. Anyone looking at them would've found their position rather awkward, the girl not at all responding to the boy.

Maybe I should go talk to him in the corridor, just let him down quietly, Hermione thought, biting her lip. She turned to Cormac.

'Um, Cormac, let's go into the corridor, I need to talk to you about something', she said, looking at him confidently in his eyes. Cormac smiled arrogantly and murmured 'Sure, I was just thinking the same thing'. He took Hermione's hand and led her out.

They stepped out almost unnoticed into the corridor. McLaggen led her to an empty classroom on the left. They entered, Hermione first and Mclaggen shut the door behind him.

He turned towards her and advanced with a look in his eyes, a look that made Hermione grip her wand behind her back tightly. She was standing up but also slightly leaning on the Professor's desk. Cormac was closer now, a few inches maybe, starting to tilt his head when Hermione spoke.

'Listen Cormac, I really like you, but I don't have any feelings for you except for friendship. I'm- I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.'

Hermione voice was firm, matter-of-fact and left no room for misunderstandings. Cormac was still looking at her, the soft glow of the moon outside the windows reflecting on his golden hair. There was a small silence, Hermione's mind cringing at this awkward situation.

Then, Cormac's eyes flashed dangerously. He lifted his hand imperiously and said coldly 'You can't do that to a guy, Hermione. It's not fair to keep him hoping for something he won't get.'

'I know, and I'm sorry but-' Cormac interrupted her.

'I always get what I want, Hermione.'

She was about to say that he didn't get the keeper position when he swept forward, pushed her roughly back on the desk and slammed his mouth onto her's,

Hermione turned her head away, breaking the kiss and shouted commandingly: 'Stop Cormac!'

She tried to get her wand from behind her back, but he was holding her arm there with one of his arms. The one was wrapped around the back of her shoulders, forcing her mouth onto his again. She shook her head, trying to get away and tried to bring one of her legs up to push him, but he only pushed her more onto the large desk, so that she was on her back with her legs pinned painfully on the side of the desk by his and her wand arm stuck under her body. Panic was starting to flow through her, he was on top her, keeping her down, her body twisted in a agonizing hold. He had stopped attempting to kiss her and now his other free hand was working it was into the top of her dress, on her left breast. He started to grip it roughly, making all her muscles tense up, when she started to yell, her voice was high pitched, scared, hysterical and loud.'Stop Cormac! STOP! Someone! Help! HELP!'Cormac grunted 'Shut up' and slapped her across the face. Hermione screamed, but her voice was cut short when Cormac felt behind him, took out his wand and performed a silencing spell on her. Hermione tried to yell again, but no sound came out. She was panicking intensely now. Her thoughts were scrambled, confused, alarmed. Half of her was concentrating at fighting Cormac off, the other half was hyperventilating, scared like never before. She could feel a hard bump on her left thigh close to her knee. Cormac's hand had left her breast and had worked its way down, now lifting the top of her dress, gripping the edges of her underwear, starting to pull it down. He stopped, then reached down to unzip his pants. Hermione fought harder, squirmed one leg free and thrashed it out, striking hard on Cormac's side. She wiggled it erratically, trying to get leverage to push him off when Cormac was yanked off her by an unseen force. Hermione scrambled up, crying silently and saw Cormac be put in a full body-bind by someone who had his back to her. She was hyperventilating but found enough sense to take out her wand and perform a spell that unsilenced her voice. Her strangled cries rang out in the classroom and the person turned around, black robes swirling. His eyes were dark and distorted by rage, disgust and he was breathing heavily. Severus Snape stood in front of her, anger pouring out of his veins, staring at her.

Severus had just finished a discussion with Draco that ended in the boy storming out of the room. He was heading in the direction of the party when he thought better of it, and started to walk in the direction of his chambers. He was still going over the events with Draco, scowling at the boy's reluctance to accept his help when he heard a sharp, feminine and panicked scream. He swerved towards the sound, heart rate increasing ever so slightly in reaction to the event. The cry that erupted suddenly died quickly. Severus was thinking quickly. He located the three classroom doors in the corridor and strode to the first opening it with a bang. It was empty. He only stopped for a second before picking up his pace and going to the second. He turned the knob, threw the door open to another empty room. His gaze shifted to the last door and he ran towards it, pulse beating louder and louder as he approach. He instantly knew it was the right one, he could be thrashing about inside. He opened the door to a horrid sight.

In the front of the room there was a male body that was back to him. The man was pinning down a flailing individual. Severus could only see it's legs from his position. A mixture of grunts and thrashing could be heard across the cold classroom. He stood there for a split second, shocked, before striding forward and yanking the boy off of the girl and turning in the same time. McLaggen! He blinked, then felt the rage coursing through his veins. Severus stared at the stunned boy before cursing him. McLaggen fell backwards in a full body bind. Severus heard a loud sob from behind him and turned. Sitting on the desk, pushed up by her arms, shaking, crying, sobbing, breathing rapidly, was a disheveled Miss Granger. Her hair was disarrayed, clumped and everywhere. Her left strap was pushed down her shoulder, leaving a clear view of her breast. Her dress was pushed up, ruffled and Severus glimpsed a pink colored cloth. Her eyes were wild, scared, filled with tears. She looked all around, at McLaggen, frozen on the ground, at her rumpled dress then back at him. She shakily pushed herself up and raised her strap to cover her exposed breast. Her whole body heaved with choking sobs as she pushed her dress back down. Severus still was staring at her, him too breathing heavily, during the whole process. Then, he started towards her. His brain was racing, trying to figure out how to deal with her, reassure her. She had curled up on the desk and was softly whimpering now. Her whole body was shaking and her hands were clawing at herself, clearly traumatized. Severus reached out slowly, careful not to scare her and put a hand awkwardly on her bare shoulder. Instantly, she raised her head and looked at him, doe-brown eyes filled with trauma, before letting out a cry and falling towards him. Her soft, shaking body met with his and instinctively he brought his arms around her, encasing her in his heavy black robes. He wasn't thinking about anything apart from making sure that the girl in his arms felt safe.

They stood there for a moment, Severus arms holding lightly Miss Granger, who was still crying. He could feel every single place their bodies connected, as if ultra sensitive to her every touch. She was still sitting on the desk, her legs on the side, her arms around herself, holding on tightly. Severus arms were touching themselves, connected behind her, in the middle of her back, lightly. She was pressed into his chest, her face resting softly on it, ear pressed where his heart was.

He then spoke softly, in a voice he hadn't heard in more than twenty years.

'Miss Granger, I need to take you to Madam Pomfrey. Can you walk or do you want me to carry you?'

He felt her shake her head and let his arms fall. He moved backwards, giving her room to stand up. She rose slightly, lifted her legs from her side to in front of her and pushed herself off the desk and unto the floor. She wobble slightly and Severus, without thinking, shot his arm out to steady her, holding her softly on her arm. She was staring downwards, still jittery but calming down slightly. Severus then cast a spell. His doe patronus appeared blue and silver, and cocked her head waiting for his orders.

'Dumbledore, I have Miss Granger here, I shall be bringing her to Poppy. She was just assaulted by Mister _McLaggen,_ ' his voice turned from cold to disgusted when he said the name 'who I put in a body bind. You'll find him in one of the classrooms next to Slughorn's party.' Severus nodded and his doe turned and vanished.

Severus then looked at Miss Granger. She was still looking downwards.

'Miss Granger, we will go to the infirmary now.' his calm, _safe_ voice calmed Hermione down. She took a deep breath and nodded again. She was thinking so much and wasn't at all at the same time. Her mind raced, playing back the events, making her relive them, Cormac's hand all over her body and her mind remained disturbingly numb also. She started walking, unsure, with Snape at her side, still holding her arm. His soft breathing, their steps and her heart pounding were what she focused on as they walked together. Later, she had trouble remembering how long the walk through the empty dark Hogwarts corridors took, was it a few minutes or hours? She didn't know.

As they neared the infirmary, Hermione who hadn't said a single thing since Snape rescued her, started to laugh. It was a high, crazy sounding laugh, that turned into a sob that tore through her whole body. She had stopped walking and just collapsed on the ground, in a ball, crying and crying and crying.

It only took seconds, but she felt strong arms go under her, then lift her up with a huff and then she was moving forward, being carried by her Professor.

Severus walked on, carrying in his arms, holding in his arms, such a fragile, such a strong young woman, held to his chest, one arm under her knees, the other supporting her back. Once again, her face was pressed into the area where was his forgotten heart.

Severus stared at the sleeping form of Miss Granger in on of the infirmary's beds. He'd just finished telling the story to Dumbledore, story he found out when he asked permission of Miss Granger to see the incident with Legilimency. He'd thought it was the only way to know the whole incident without her having to recount it. He'd witnessed the whole thing and felt more than horrible. She'd almost been fully _raped_. The only thing Severus wanted to do now was rip the sorry excuse of a boy into pieces. The boy was currently in the headmaster's office, waiting for the verdict.

Miss Granger hadn't spoken much. She'd nodded when he'd asked about Legilimens, then again when Poppy had explained the potions she was giving her, including a calming draught and a Dreamless sleep potion. She was asleep within minutes, after Poppy had ran some diagnoses which concluded that she'd suffered nothing more than psychological drama. Before Miss Granger fell asleep, she'd looked at Severus and her eyes had spoken the words she wasn't able to say out-loud.

 _Thank you._

 **Author's note** : Thanks to those who review! It makes my day :) Hope you guys liked this chapter! I tried to update faster this time.


	6. Chapter 6: Explosion

Severus slammed the door leading to the Headmaster's office and strode down the spiral staircase, scowling intensely. It was the early morning, the morning after Slughorn's party. Severus had just finished an incredibly angering conversation, no sorry _argument_ with Albus. He walked quickly towards his office, fuming.

A few minutes before, Severus had knocked on Albus' door. He was curious to know how the Headmaster had dealt with McLaggen. In his eyes, the boy deserved nothing less than being expelled. Albus answered a 'Come in Severus' and so he did just that. Inside, the wizard was seated at his desk. Severus walked forward, then started to pace back and forth. Albus was still writing what seemed to be a letter and hadn't looked up yet. Severus sighed impatiently and sniffed. 'So what happens to the boy?'

Albus stop writing and put his quill back into his ink pot. He looked up at Severus and leaned back into his chair, eyes grave.

'Mister McLaggen will not be expelled.' Severus stopped pacing, to stare unceremoniously at the Headmaster. He cocked his head and said slowly 'Pardon?'

The old man in the chair nodded. 'I talked to Miss Granger this morning. She doesn't wish to see Mister McLaggen expelled.' Severus started to speak then, outraged. 'How come? The boy violated her! He can't be aloud to continue his education here! What if he attacks her again?' his anger at the boy was clear in his tone of voice, even if Severus was trying to control his emotions. He couldn't believe the girl. Why in the world would she want McLaggen to stay? Unless... No! He needed to know. He was cringing inwardly at the idea.

'Does she still...harbor... some _feelings_ for McLaggen?' he asked, disgusted at the thought that Miss Granger would still feel something after the events of the night before. Dumbledore looked at him curiously before answering. 'No, of course not, except that she thinks that he should be permitted to graduate from Hogwarts. He won't be able to approach her at all for the rest of the year and if he does, or talks about the incident, he will then be expelled. He will also served detentions with Argus every day, until the year is out. Finally, the events shall be recorded and will appear on his diploma. Don't worry Severus, I'm not letting the boy off easily.'

'Letting him off easily? Had he gone further, Miss Granger would been completely raped!' Severus roared, slamming his hands hard on Dumbledore's desk, all of his pent-up anger from the night before, from this conversation, from all of _her,_ spilling out in that one sentence. He was leaning heavily on the desk, with his shoulders hunched forward. Albus was gazing at him curiously, which was making Severus angrier. His eyes were searching Severus', slightly questioning. He hadn't flinched when Severus had exploded and now remained calm.

'Severus, I assure you that Mister McLaggen will be as punished as I see fit, but also by respecting Miss Granger's wishes.' Albus clear, soft spoken words brought Severus out of his rage. He realized that he couldn't convince Dumbledore to punish McLaggen more intensely. He stood up and turned to leave when Dumbledore called out to him.

'Severus, this could be a golden opportunity.' Severus turned to stare at him.

'What do you mean, Albus?' Severus said directly, but with no other emotion present. Albus had already seen too much of his emotions for today, he thought grimly.

He stood, pushing his chair backwards, and advanced to gaze out if one of his windows. Severus couldn't see Albus' face, but he knew from his tone of voice that there was to be not argument.

'I mean to say, that in light of past events, it is safe to say that Miss Granger lacks a bit of good old muggle self defense. Now, don't smirk Severus, though us wizards have wands, there could always be a time when those weapons are not available and we must result to our own physical strength. Perhaps, things wouldn't have gone as far last night if Miss Granger would have known a tad of self defense. I want you to teach that to her, Severus. Replace those detentions by lessons in defense. Teach her more defensive magic, self defense and concealment spells. Help her with the spells she has trouble with. All of this will be very important to help Harry defeat Tom.' Dumbledore turned around to look at Severus, almost apologetically. 'What do you think Severus?'

Severus was shocked and annoyed. Nevertheless, even if teaching the girl would be a tedious and enervation task, he couldn't help to agree with Albus. She would be needing it. But under no circumstances would Dumbledore know that he thought so. He narrowed his eyes and grimaced.

'I see that I have no choice in the matter.'

'Not really' said Dumbledore, smiling. 'Now come on Severus, it won't be that bad.'

Severus didn't answer, but chose instead to swirl his robes and exit dramatically, already dreading the teaching sessions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hermione was walking back to the Gryffindor common rooms when she saw them. Harry and Ron, walking together, seeming to be searching for someone.

 _Her_.

She was shocked at the feeling of sadness that surfaced in her when she saw them. It had only been a five days since Ron had first kissed Lavender, but already she was missing him. Him and Harry. She felt as if she hadn't talked to them in a lifetime. Her _best_ friends. Even if Ron was being a prat and chose Lavender over her.

She took a deep breath then sped up towards them, grinning. She was going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hermione's last morning of term passed by quickly. Ron and Harry asked where she had been and she lied to them again, saying that she had been sick the night before. Somehow, it didn't hurt as much when Lavender came to sit down with them at breakfast. And by lunch, they had been able to hold an actual conversation, even if it was about how Snape had been a prick. The train left that afternoon, left for home, for two whole weeks. Hermione had been invited to the Burrow, but she wanted to spend most of the vacation with her parents. She would still visit the Burrow for New Years though. She'd decided to do so because she didn't know how much time she had left with her parents. Already, it was pretty dangerous to be seen with them. She didn't like to think about that though.

Hermione was walking down to the train, alone, something she needed today. At lunch, she'd seen Cormac for the first time. He hadn't seen her but she felt as if he had. She'd shivered and looked away, already scenes from the night before playing over in her head. His hands, roaming, groping, _violating_. Ginny had looked at her a bit strangely, but hadn't said anything.

Hermione needed this time alone to think. Since waking up, she had kept busy, thinking of this and that, of anything really, just not about last night. But now she knew that she needed to. So she had packed up the bit of her things that she wanted quickly and had set off. Walking down the almost deserted halls, she let herself really _feel_ for the first time. And she felt better than she thought she would. She almost stopped walking to chuckle softly. Of course, she still felt like something was wrong. It was strange to try to explain, but Hermione felt a bit detached from her body. Like the one time, when Gran had died, and she'd looked in a mirror and she'd seen herself, but she didn't feel like the person there was really _her_. It had felt as if she was just an envelope. It was something very bizarre to feel, to feel as if your body wasn't really yours anymore, to feel a bit _empty._ But aside from that, she felt okay. Yes, okay was the word. Not fine, not good, _okay_.

She realized that she had stopped walking when her name sounded out from behind her. She knew his voice. She didn't want to see him though, even if that was a rather selfish thing to want. Because seeing him meant talking about last night. She's been able to do so with Dumbledore and was dreading her parents reactions. Dumbledore had asked her if she wished them to come to Hogwarts that morning, but Hermione didn't think it was worth it; she was going to see them the very evening anyway.

She turned and he was there. Tall, dark, imposing and strangely, _safe_.

'Yes?' she asked, and was embarrassed at how breathless her voice sounded. She cleared her throat and looked down. She couldn't look at him, couldn't look into those cold, unfeeling eyes. She pretended to be very absorbed by the floor. The stones were a rather interesting shape, all irregular and -

'Miss Granger' he repeated again, interrupting her tile admiration. She looked up, into his emotionless face. 'After the events of last night, Professor Dumbledore has asked me to turn your very merited detentions into extra defense classes. Do not think that I am doing this for you, I didn't have any say in his decision. I will communicate their scheduling with you after the break.' His voice was harsh but not as sarcastic as usual. His inscrutable eyes never left hers while he said all this. After nodding to her, he turned and proceeded to walk in the opposite direction.

Hermione had only enough time to comprehend then yell a shy 'Hum, okay, thank you sir!' before he had turned the corner and had disappeared. She was left there, pondering the enigma that was her Professor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hermione's parents knew.

She could read it in their eyes, in their movements, in their exchanged glances as they greeted her at Platform 9¾ . Dumbledore's letter must have reached them.

They didn't say anything until there was a lull in the conversation and they were in the privacy of their car, going back to her house. Her home, she corrected. But her childhood house didn't feel as much like home anymore... Hogwarts had, little by little, earned that title.

Her mom spoke first, in a hesitating voice. She was sitting in the passenger seat and her dad was driving. Hermione was in the back, to the left, looking outside the window.

'Hum darling… We received a letter from your Headmaster…'

Day by day, Hermione healed. Speaking to her parents, to her mom and dad, really helped. They had always been a very close family and Hermione realized how much she relied on them to talk, to vent, to have a shoulder to cry on. By the time Christmas came, she didn't think about the incident as much as she now thought of _him_.

Severus Snape.

What would it be like to have private lessons with him? Self-defense? What would he teach her? It was hard for her not to run to the library to pick up the first book on self-defense she found. She resisted, telling herself that he wouldn't be pleased if she arrived there with already a good knowledge of the subject. He would call her a know-it-all again. She couldn't help wondering and wondering.

New Years was everything Hermione loved about the Weasleys. Loud, crazy, fun, loving. Though it was sometimes awkward with Ron, she tried not to think too much about it. She started to realize that he didn't have the same affect on her anymore. She even began to question why she thought she liked him in the first place. He was nice and her best friend, but he and her would never work out as lovers! She realised this when he gave her a slightly drunken kiss on the cheek on New Year's eve. She didn't feel it, the fluttering that was once there whenever he would look at her seriously. It was a bittersweet moment in a way. It felt like a door that had led to a possible relationship with Ron had closed. Even if Ron was the one to push it close, Hermione was the one to lock it and throw away the key.

'Come in'

She opened the door, heart beating madly. Deep breath in, shaky exhale. Ready or not, she was to have her first one-on-one lesson with Snape. It was Tuesday, first week after the Christmas break. Professor Snape had taken her aside on Monday to tell her that the next day would be her lesson. She had nodded, had thanked him and that had been that.

Now, she was really nervous, although she wasn't a hundred percent sure why.

She stepped into the dimly lit classroom and looked around, searching for him. He stepped out of the shadows to her right and walked towards her, arms crossed. He stopped when he was about two feet away.

'So,' he began, his voice betraying his boredom at the task 'Miss Granger, tonight you will learn some basic protection spells.'

The rest of the evening was spent alternating between Snape explaining the use of the spell, his demonstration, then Hermione's attempt. By the end, she'd learnt a wide array of spells, of different uses, but all used to protect a safe-house.

Hermione had yawned at one point and Snape had called the lesson to an end.

'I shall walk you back to your common room.' He said, bored, while flicking off the light with his wand. They exited the classroom, Hermione in front and her Professor after her. Once outside, she waited as he turned to murmur some locking enchantments on the door. When he turned back, their eyes met for the first time that night. It was bizarre, but the whole time, Snape hadn't looked at her directly in the eyes. He would look around, or at her wand while she casted, or even sometimes had his back turned to her. Now, when their eyes crossed, Hermione felt a flicker of something deep inside. Her breath hitched and she was suddenly very aware of all of her surroundings. Her mind traveled back to the time she'd sought refuge in _his_ arms. She'd almost forgotten that! She was perplexed as to why, because how could anyone forget, even temporarily, having been held, comforted, by Severus Snape? It had felt so right, so right in the midst of something so wrong. She couldn't stop thinking about that now, about how she'd felt, gripped tightly against his strong body, head against his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

A silence stretched out between them, him, back to the door, her standing up in the middle of the hall. He gazed at her, seeming to be lost in thought. His face softened for a moment, letting her see an almost relaxed, almost _happy_ Snape. But almost as once, the moment was gone, his mask was back up, his face unreadable, his eyes cold.

Hermione wanted to scream.

'Don't walk me back.'

Her voice broke the swelling silence that had threatened to overpower her only seconds ago.

He raised an inquiring eyebrow.

'This is not the time nor the place for some feminism display. There is no link between the fact that I am a man and you a woman that makes me feel the need to walk you back. I am only acting on the school rules, which state that passed a certain hour, teachers must accompany their students back to their common rooms.' His tone was calm and matter-of-fact.

She looked downwards, then set off towards the Gryffindor tower. Her steps and his soon synced up, as they were walking side by side. There was so much she wanted to say to him, to be able to thank him for saving her, to be able to ask him why he hides behind his disguise, to be able to _learn_ to know him. Perhaps it was the lateness of the hour, perhaps it was an accumulation of all they'd been through the past few weeks, everything they'd said and done, that made Hermione mentally say _Screw it!_ and she spoke.

'I wanted to thank you for what you did… My mom wanted me to write you a thank you note, but I knew you wouldn't have cared for it, so I thought better to thank you in person…' she almost blushed at her babbling. God! What was it about this man that made her seem stupid?

'I was doing my duty as Professor.' His reply was what she had imagined when she'd thought of this scene.

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. His face was hidden from her behind a curtain of black hair. They were almost at the Tower. It was now, or never. Oh God. She knew she was going to regret this. But she couldn't help it. Her heartbeat sped up. She had to speak, even if for once, she wasn't sure of what she was saying, of what she was implying, exactly.

'And it was in you duty to hug me, to hold me close to your-'

She never finished her sentence. In one swift movement, he snapped his head around and grasp her by the shoulders. His eyes burned into hers, anger almost spilling out. Through gritted teeth, he uttered something so much she felt punched.

'Granger, don't ever think something as _stupid_ as that again.' he snarled, pushing her roughly back.

She stumbled, caught herself then stared at him in shock, that quickly turned to rage.

'Now that's not fair! You can't keep on like this!' he stood a bit hunched over, breathing deeply, his face hidden again. She walked towards him, not caring anymore of how he'd react, needing to let him know.

'You can't keep pushing everyone away! You can't keep up this, this _disguise_! I don't believe that you are this cold, unfeeling _monster_! I don't believe this greasy, _bat of the dungeons_ act! Why, _why_ do you do this?' her voice was breaking now, under the intensity of her delivery, of her yelling. She was inches away from him, was moving her arms to put emphasis on her words. Her features were scrunched up in disbelief, in irritation. She stopped to catch her breath, losing all her anger also.

She looked up at him as she delivered the final blow. In a voice that seemed to have abandoned all hope she spoke.

'Why won't you let anyone in?'

Her soft brown eyes shifted something deep in Severus' soul. He couldn't do this. He needed out. God, what was it about this girl, this _woman_? How could she read him so easily?

His voice sounded as hopeless as hers when he finally answered.

'Because, Miss Granger, anyone I've ever let in, is dead.'

And with that he left, he fled, to the relative safety of his chambers, to the bottle of Firewhisky he kept, to solitude.

He left her there as he always seemed to do, confused and sad.

 **Author's note:** Ouf… Not good at regular updates… Sorry!

As always, reviews are amazing, thanks to all!

Thanks to BubaDictator, beckyboop89, Amarenima Redwood, Sassyluv, DutchGirl01.

To avidprof and megzela : Yes, thanks for noticing!

To TinkyWinkyDipsy: Sorry about that "cliche"... I just I sorta needed it for the plot, as you can hopefully now see. I'm trying to make this story as original as possible though! I hope I won't disappoint you again :)


	7. Chapter 7: Reflecting

Severus was strewn across his chair in his chambers. A bottle of Firewhisky in one hand and a blazing fire to gaze at. He took a great gulp and felt the liquid burn a path down his throat.

He just wanted to forget.

Forget the fact that he needed to kill Albus, one of his only true friends. Forget the war. Forget all the horrors he had accomplished as a young Death Eater. Forget the pain in his chest, in his mind.

To forget that Lily had never been his, was gone, was dead.

Another gulp.

Oh Lily… He'd fallen in love with her that summer before their first year. She'd been so beautiful, even at a young age, so full of life and love for everything. She'd represented the child Severus never got to be, something that was stolen away from him by his father, his abusive father.

Drink.

Drink

Drink.

Severus threw his head back and laughed. A laugh of pain, not of joy.

Oh how he loved her. Her silky red hair, her soft smile that would reach her gorgeous green eyes. He had never stopped loving her. He knew he never would.

Or so he had always thought.

But now, she'd entered his life, threatening to destroy everything. Her, with her words that made him question it all.

When she'd implied that his actions towards her demonstrated something more than just a teacher caring for a student, he'd snapped.

He'd snapped because what she meant to say, what she was suggesting, would mean that he was forgetting Lily.

That he was, somehow, being unfaithful to Lily.

And that thought scared him. It scared him so much that he'd reacted on impulse, something he never did.

But now, inebriated by the alcohol slowly numbing his soul, by the crackling fire casting dancing shapes all over his room, by Hermione's words echoing in his mind, he realized something.

He needed to forget her.

The bottle of Firewhisky fell to the floor, smashing into a thousand pieces, a perfect representation of how Severus' heart now felt.

Hermione couldn't sleep.

Professor Snape's last sentence was perplexing her.

What did he mean exactly? Who was dead because they had befriended him?

She tossed and turned, thinking.

She felt a bit bad. She'd never seen him in that state before. He'd been so angry, so panicked, but also, underneath all that, Hermione sensed something else.

Sadness.

And _fear._

But what was he scared of? And what had she been implying? Did she, _care_ for him? She shook her head in the darkness and privacy of her bed. Of course not! To care for Snape?

Preposterous.

Simply crazy.

He was twice her age! He wasn't really nice! He wasn't really good looking either.

Nevertheless, Hermione couldn't deny that she felt _something_ for him. For Severus Snape. There was an indisputable attraction towards the dark and damaged man. But what was it?

Was it because she found herself a bit in him? In the midst of his intelligence, his knowledge, his _character_ , she recognized herself?

Or was it because he was this impenetrable fortress of mystery, of enigmas, of _secrets_ that caught her attention?

Or was it because he was this unknown powerful force?

Or was it because he'd never seemed impressed by anything she did, and she was still searching his approval?

Now that she thought about it, why was she always looking for his approval?

Questions were formed and remained unanswered.

January passed in a blur. Between homework, exams, projects and searching for the Half-Blood Prince's real identity, Hermione didn't have any time for her private lessons with Snape. Not that he ever approached her about them either.

That night after the break had been the last time they talked. The last time he even looked at her. For the last month, her Professor acted as if she didn't exist. He wouldn't acknowledge her raised hand in class, wouldn't even make a scathing comment on her performance during lessons. She'd simply vanished in his eyes.

Hermione couldn't stop thinking about him.

He would always be at the back of her mind, restlessly whispering questions into her ears.

But now, she couldn't stand it anymore.

She needed to talk to him, needed to find the answers to her theories in her head.

She'd given herself another month to ponder and wait for him to contact her. But February came and went and there was no news, no sign of life from her Professor.

She decided to go to see him the evening after Ron's birthday, for a very specific reason.

Hermione couldn't believe it when she heard on Ron's birthday that he'd drunk some poisoned mead, given to him by Slughorn.

She'd raced to the hospital wing, heart beating madly, to find the door locked and Harry with Ginny waiting in front of them. After having heard the story, Hermione kept silent. She was thinking hard, listening to her heart.

And she didn't know what to feel about it.

Of course she was dead scared for Ron, scared of what could've happened if Harry hadn't found the bezoar. It was too much to think of losing Ron.

But when she thought of it, she felt different. Where as before, when she'd once thought of Ron dying (a stupid thought, she knew), she'd felt heartbroken, as if a part of her had died with him. Now, she only felt a loss of a friend.

That was when she realized she truly didn't love Ron anymore.

He knew her knock as soon as he heard it. He was sitting at his desk and contemplated for a second, to leave, to not answer, to pretend he wasn't there.

But he couldn't keep running forever.

Already, he could feel his heart rate accelerating, his pulse quickening.

He stood, pushed back his chair and walked towards the door.

Turned the handle and pulled it open.

There she was, standing confident but still biting her poor lip. Her eyes gazed up into his for the first time in two months and he was brought back to the last time they'd been together. She'd looked at him very differently that last time.

'Yes?' he asked, trying to make his voice sound annoyed.

'I'm sorry to disturb you sir, but I was wondering when my private defense lessons would begin again?' her voice betrayed her nervousness, for it was a bit shaky.

He was still holding the door and the door frame with the other hand. He could turn her down right now, _finish it right now_ , but he found himself unable to do so.

'I am a busy man, Miss Granger, but seeing as you are here now, you will assist me.' he turned back into his classroom, indicating that she should follow.

'Professor Slughorn has asked me to collect some hellebore from the Forbidden Forest, in order to make some syrup of hellebore to restock the Infirmary with the Draught of Peace.' He explained this while cleaning up his desk with a flick of his wand.

He summoned his cloak, put it on and turned to her.

Of course she didn't have a cloak. He transfigured her school sweater into a simple black one, which startled her, then walked passed her and headed outside.

Their steps left traces in the damp forest floor. There was barely any snow left, already plants were growing, but still Hermione's breath make some mist in the cold air. They had been walking for while, side by side, but not close as it was hard because of the forest's ground. They hadn't said anything. Hermione had tried to start a conversation but having found no ideas, she abandoned.

After a few minutes of silence, only broken by the sounds of the forest, their steps and their breathing, she started to enjoy the absence of conversation.

She'd decided to see him because she'd been terrified after Ron's near death incident.

Terrified that something would happen to her Professor before she had the chance to really _know_ him.

He stopped walking suddenly. She did too and turned to him.

'Are we there yet?'

'Yes.' He indicated a patch of small white and violet flowers in front of them, and another one a bit in the distance. He waved his wand and two flower cutters appeared in his other outstretched palm.

'Here. I'll take this patch and you take the one over there. Cut the plants close to the roots.' With that Severus bent down and started the task. He was already hoping she would do it well. He could've made this trip alone, but had decided against it. He wasn't sure why though. He refused to listen to the idiotic voice in his head that was yelling that it was because he wanted her company. No, it was because… Because she would be a useful help, to make the task go faster. That's it.

Out of nowhere, he heard her cry out.

Instantly, he was on his feet, heart beating wildly, short of breath, eyes wide searching for her. Without a second thought of the impact of this one word, he yelled : 'Hermione!'

From where he'd sent her, he heard her muffled answer.

'I'm fine, I just tripped on that _stupid_ root there.'

He set off in the direction of her voice and found her entangled with one foot stuck in a root. Her hair was messier than before and her cheeks were a nice shade of red that wasn't due to the cold. She got her foot out, pushed herself up then proceeded to shake of the dirt and snow on herself.

Severus eyed her carefully. His heart was still bearing erratically and he was far too breathless for his taste. He tried to find a sarcastic comment to stop the awkwardness of the situation, but could find nothing.

She finished brushing off, then looked up at him. 'See? All good.' Then she squatted down to start cutting the hellebore.

Severus looked at her for a few seconds before turning around and heading back to his spot. He finished cutting the hellebore, then stood up.

'Miss Granger, are you done?' Both of them noticed the return of the "Miss Granger", but chose to stay silent.

She called back that she was then advanced towards him. It had taken her longer than necessary to cut her hellebore. There was a totally understandable reason behind that though.

She couldn't concentrate when all she could think about was how scared he'd sounded when he had called her name. _Hermione_. She felt happy all of a sudden and beamed at him. His face took on a look of confused surprise.

'What makes you so happy Miss Granger?' His voice sounded curiously annoyed and Severus was equally as surprised that he had asked that question out loud. This woman made him do things he would never usually do, he thought bitterly.

'Nothing sir, I'm just happy.' With that she smiled at him again and started to walk back towards the castle. It was getting darker now and colder too. Light was fading fast and noises in the forest seemed louder now.

Severus spent the whole time walking back to the castle next to Miss Granger, thinking.

After that night, when he'd realized that he couldn't love Lily anymore, he'd spent the next two months in a sort of mourning. He had mourned Lily's death before thought. He was still mourning it by the time he son had set foot in Hogwarts. But now, it was more of a long overdue farewell.

He realized that since Lily had never loved him, they had never been meant for each other.

And so, slowly, he let her go.

Day by day, little by little, he took her off the pedestal he'd set her on as a small and innocent child.

He thought he would feel empty without Lily to love, but in reality he felt at peace. As if, for the past fifteen years, he had been holding the burden of Lily's death on his shoulders. Yes, everything he'd done since her death, become a spy for Albus, had been a way to repay her for his mistakes, he now realized that it was also to right what he'd done wrong.

Thus, walking with the girl who helped him realize all this, in the cold, dark forest, he too, almost _smiled_.

 **Author's note:** I updated fast! Because I was feeling bad for the two week gap hahaha! Sorry about that again…

Thanks to those who review!

Special thanks to Sassyluv, who reviews every chapter! Thanks a lot :)

To Lusting for Life: Thanks! And I'll definitely keep that in mind when writing Snape's thoughts!


	8. Chapter 8: Realizations

She was walking, alone, in the Forbidden Forest. It was nighttime and the moonlight making shadows was cast menacing shapes. But somehow, Hermione felt safe. Her soft footsteps made crunching sounds on the humid forest floor. She was walking with purpose, steady steps one in front of the other bringing her to a still unknown place.

Hermione had reached a clearing. All around her rose tall trees, their tips seeming to title the stars above. A cool breeze made her shiver.

Then, to her left, she heard a voice cry out her name.

 _His_ voice.

Saying her name like he'd said it that day, full of panic he hadn't been able to hold back.

'Hermione!'

She turned and started walking in the direction of the sound, searching the ground for him.

'Severus!'

She had almost reached the end of the clearing when her name sounded out again, though this time from the opposite side of where she'd been heading.

'Hermione!'

'Severus!'

She responded as fast as she turned around. Things were different now. Somehow, she knew that he wasn't safe, that he was hurt. She felt a lump in her throat forming.

'Severus?' she cried out again, hating, oh hating how desperate her voice was beginning to sound. She needed to find him.

'Hermione!'

Again her name, shouted out, pleading, scared, but from not at all where she was heading.

She was jogging now, almost running to where he'd last spoken her name.

'Severus!'

'Hermione!'

She turned again.

'Hermione!'

And again.

'Hermione!'

All of a sudden, his voice was burst out from all the corners of the clearing. Her name, cried out with fear, making her spin around frantically as she tried to pinpoint its source.

'Severus!'

But all she could do was yell out his name. Where was he?

'Hermione!'

'Hermione!'

'Hermione!'

From all around her, Severus' helpless voice pleaded. She kept turning on herself until she let the tears that had been forming fall and choked out, full of anguish and for the last time, his name.

'Severus!'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hermione awoke sobbing. She was short of breath. Her heart ached.

She fumbled around for her wand, trying to blink away her tears. Finally she found it and cast a wordless Muffliato.

His voice still seemed to be coming from all around her, threatening to swallow her.

So much fear.

So much panic.

Hermione curled herself into a ball on her side and tried to block out her name that was being cried out in her mind. Her nightmare still appeared when she closed her eyes. She started to rock back and forth, still crying.

Hermione wasn't even sure why the nightmare had so much impact on her. It was hard for her to admit, but it scared her slightly. Why was she so affected by it?

She felt so much pain when she thought of losing her Professor.

So much pain.

So much sadness.

Too much sadness for it to be normal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus awoke grumbling.

Last night, the happiness of the events had worn off just after he'd brought back Miss Granger to her dormitories, leaving him feeling stupid and weak.

Severus detested feeling weak. Feeling that way brought back memories from his time at Hogwarts. Even though he hadn't really been weak, he appeared so because it was usually three on one with James.

Why couldn't he control himself?

Yelling out her name in desperation was worst thing on earth he could've done.

Of course, if he'd only yelled out "Miss Granger" it would've been fine. Just a normal reaction a teacher would have if he had heard one of his students cry out.

But yelling out _Hermione_?

That was a death wish.

He never called _any_ of his students by their first names. Even with Draco, his _godson_ , he never thought it appropriate to call him so at Hogwarts.

So why had he uttered her name?

Was it just in the heat of the moment, in fear of her being hurt? Or was it just an unfortunate slip of the tong?

He pondered this while changing out of his nightwear, into his signature black robes.

Somewhere, in his mind, a voice suggested softly : 'Maybe you wanted to say her name… Think Severus… There's an obvious reason why this woman makes you lose control…'

Severus blinked, shook his head and scowled at his ready reflection in the mirror.

'No, he declared inwardly, there is no reason other than stress making me slightly less cautious around _Miss Granger_.'

The voice chuckled. 'Stop lying to yourself Severus. You know you-'

'SHUT UP!' he roared, the mirror exploding in front of him in a rare display of uncontrol magic. Glass shards flew everywhere, cutting Severus' face. There only remained a small portion of glass in the frame of the mirror.

But that portion was big enough for Severus to see himself, fists clench, with a deep scowl eching across his features and somewhere deep in his eyes, an incredible amount of _fear_.

Hermione knocked on his door.

Sometime during the week, at the end of a DADA lesson, Snape pulled Hermione aside to tell her that their private defense lessons would be now held on Sundays.

So there she was at his door waiting.

She was about to knock again when the door swung open and he appeared, holding a stack of what looked like essay papers. Wordlessly, he closed the door, locked it with his wordless spells and then turned to her.

'Tonight, you will assist me in some Potion making, Miss Granger.'

He started walking away towards Professor Slughorn's classroom.

'Professor Slughorn has fallen ill, so it is up to me to brew the Draught of Peace for which we collected the Hellebore last week. But since I need to also grade these essays, I have decided to put your mediocre potion abilities to work.' He said all this as if _he_ was the one doing _her_ the favor and not the other way around.

She sped up, grinning on the inside.

Inside, she set up the necessary ingredients for the potion then began the task. Before long, she was completely immersed in the state of mind she tended to enter when brewing. Even though there was always the danger of making a mistake, potion making soothed her. It was something about the precision on the art added to the amazing feeling of having accomplished a perfect potion.

So much so that she remained blissfully unaware that she was being watched.

Severus couldn't help it. After a few minutes of scratching brutal comments on to his students papers, he gave up trying to ignore her. He stared at her as if in a trance.

Her perfect pale hands that added the powdered moonstone ever so gracefully. Her delicate neck bent downwards as she read the instructions that she evidently knew by heart. Her soft cascading curls that she'd forgotten to tie in a bun at the start, and now rested on her back. Her delicate face, glowing with the last rays of the setting sun. Her very full pink lip being bitten in concentration by her pearly white teeth.

Severus drank it all in as if seeing her for the very first time. When had the buck-toothed, bushy haired menace gone to? Who was the beauty brewing before his eyes?

Because Severus had to admit to himself, right there in Slughorn's classroom, that Miss Granger was stunning.

Was gorgeous.

Was _beautiful_.

At that last thought, he turned back to his corrections. Part of him, the _better_ part, told him to get back to work.

But his other half, fought to glance back up at the vision of perfection before him.

That half won, for Severus reasoned that he was only verifying that she didn't mess up the potion.

The voice from a few days ago came back, whispering knowingly.

'Severus… Stop denying the truth… Look at her… She's so beautiful… She's your intellectual match, there's no question about it… She could be your's, you know, if you only _let her in_ …'

Severus listened to all of this while staring at the essays he was supposed to be correcting. The words on the page started to blur as he realized the truth.

Somehow, along the road, he'd fallen for her.

He'd fallen for her smile, for her laugh, for the way she'd bite her lip and scrunch her brows when confused. He'd fallen for this little strong, but fragile fighter, that continued to survive with her head held high. He'd fallen for her wit, for her way to make him doubt himself, for her way of reading him, for her way of making him lose control. When had this happened? Was it the first time she exposed her musings on his character to him? Was it when she continued to demand to be let in? Was it when he'd rescued her that night? Or was it when she'd cried out in the forest and his heart had cried out to her also? How long had he'd been in denial of his real affections for the woman?

He'd fallen for her and there was no getting back up.

 **Author's note:** Thanks to those who review! Thanks to those who read too! I hope you liked it :)


	9. Chapter 9: Confusion

Hermione was finished the potion. She looked up towards Professor Snape who seemed lost in deep thought, staring at his parchments.

She cleared her throat.

Instantly he looked up, arching his brow.

'I'm done Professor.' He rose and went over to where she stood, his robes billowing in the process. He stopped when he was very near her. Near enough, that if he was someone else, she would've backed away slightly. Instead, she felt herself drawn to him. His dark robes were calling to her, asking to be touched. His pale face, leaning downwards examining her white potion, held no emotion. Why was she thinking this? Why couldn't she stop thinking of him? Why would her heart speed up each time he looked at her?

She was so close.

Close enough, that if he wanted to, he could reach out and hold her. Hold her like he'd done after she'd been attacked. It had felt so right, in the midst of something so wrong, to envelope her with his arms and to shield her from the rest of the world.

He'd felt so protective of her.

But that feeling wasn't new. He'd always been there, watching over her, Potter and Weasley, making sure the two dunderheads would listen to their more mature third party and wouldn't get hurt.

And now, to his right, stood an amazing woman, a woman who didn't entirely need his protection anymore.

He was so close that her scent encased him, the attractive aroma of Lavender drawing him nearer, calling out to him to touch her.

He couldn't bear being so close to her yet so far at the same time. His heart was beating hard in his chest, his breath was shorter, all signs clearly indicating the effect she had on him.

If he just reached out, he could grasp the mixing stick she was still holding, waiting for his verdict. He was still pretending to inspect her perfect Draught of Peace, his emotions carefully hidden behind a curtain of black hair. He lifted his face back up, slowly, then turned to face her.

She stood confidently in front of him. She knew her potion was good making it show in her eyes, stance and in the whole of her features.

They were such opposites in that regard; she wore her emotions like medals while he hide behind them, putting up his shields.

He knew he had to say something, but he just couldn't find the words to criticize her.

Before her eyes could search his face any more, before she could try to read him again, deftly but also as if he hadn't meant to do it, he looked away, raised his hand calmly to grasp the mixing stick she was holding.

As he did so, his fingertips brushed ever so lightly on the back of her soft hand.

Their eyes met, hers wide, curious, sparkling with intelligence.

He jerked his hand away from the small contact they'd sustained. He was facing the brewing table and she was facing him.

He still hadn't said anything. He needed to though, needed to keep up appearances.

So he sighed and as if it pained him, nodded, indicating his acceptance of her work.

'That will be all Miss Granger. You are dismissed.'

She smiled, a sort of sad, resigned smile, let go of the spoon and walked past him. She didn't speak nor did she brush against him while leaving, as she'd done what seemed like a lifetime ago.

The quiet closing of the door made him realize how alone he now felt.

Hermione walked into the Gryffindor common room. People were still up, milling around, most trying to finish some last minute homework.

Hermione didn't want to think just yet. She wasn't sure of what just happened.

So she went to sit down with Ron, Harry and Ginny. Both boys were finishing their homework, Ron seeming to be a bit more productive than Harry for once, probably because Harry was to caught up smiling at Ginny every two minutes. She sat down next to Ginny and for the next hour or so, attempted to ignore the past event.

Hermione was lying in bed, staring at the wood ceiling of her four poster bed.

She couldn't sleep.

All her thoughts were on a particular person.

 _Severus Snape_

What had happened exactly? Had he meant to brush against her hand? Or was it simply an accident?

She brought the back of her hand up to her face and let it slide smoothly against her lips.

Why couldn't she stop thinking of him?

It wasn't normal, she told herself sternly. Thinking excessively of your Professor, even _dreaming_ about him?

She hadn't had her nightmare again though. She reasoned that it was just a one time thing, just a momentary weakness, an aftershock of having been called by her first name by the cold man.

She didn't understand.

He seemed to be hesitating around her, quite unlike the sure, steady Professor she'd known all these years.

What was becoming of her?

She turned again in her bed, to stare at her dark red curtain.

She took a deep breath.

Exhaled shakily.

Closed her eyes.

Why was he everywhere?

Why was he always on her mind?

She fell asleep still wondering and still very confused.

The next day, at the end of the DADA class, Snape called out to her.

'Miss Granger, a word.'

She looked at Ron and Harry, indicating with her hand that she'd meet them outside, while they looked at her sympathetically. They'd just been complaining that very morning, about Snape's excessive detentions.

She approached him. His back was turned to her and he seemed to be looking for something on his desk.

All lesson, Hermione had tried hard not to look at him. Twice, their eyes had crossed, but she'd always broken the eye contact quickly, sadden by his emotionless stare.

In a precise movement, he swept around to hold a book out in front of him. She glanced down at it to read: A Beginner's Guide to Self-Defense.

She looked back up at him, cocking her head, internally chuckling.

Her eyes were lit up with curiosity and laughter that made Severus feel foolish.

'Here's a book on Self-Defense, which Professor Dumbledore had asked me to teach to you. You will read this, because I have no more time to deal with some idiotic private lessons.'

If his words hurt her, this time she'd didn't let it show.

'Thank you, Professor. I really didn't want you to have to deal with these _idiotic lessons_ either.' Her sarcasm was evident and it stung Severus' heart.

She took the book out of his hands, rather harshly then proceeded to leave, her hair flapping out behind her.

The door slammed and Severus backed up to rest against his desk.

You need to do this, he reminded himself for what seemed to be the thousandth time.

You're her teacher, she only eighteen, you're twice her age, she's your student!

He brought his hand to his face and rubbed his eyes.

Whatever he did, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop wanting her.

She was going to drive him crazy, because there was no way in hell she'd ever want him like he needed her.

 **Author's note:** This was sort of a transition chapter, so sorry if it was pretty short :)

Ahhh, so many reviews! I love it! Thank you all so much! It helps my writing and always makes me so happy! You guys are the best!

Thanks to my readers too!


	10. Chapter 10: Riddikulus

That Sunday night, Hermione didn't even bother to go to Snape's office for her lesson. Instead, she spent a rather enjoyable evening with Ron and Harry.

At one point, when Hermione offered to correct Ron's essay Snape had given them, he said, quite openly, "I love you" to her. Hermione blushed slightly while chastising Ron. She knew that his and Lavender's relationship was starting to fall apart bit by bit, or at least on Ron's end, but she didn't want Ron to think she still harbored feelings for him.

Even so, it was a relief to feel as if their friendship was back once more. Harry and Ron were really her best friends and that would never change.

Suddenly, with the typical _crack_ of apparition, Kreacher appeared. Dobby followed suite and then, the five of them proceeded to figure out that Malfoy was using the Room of Requirement, though for what purpose they weren't yet certain.

Hermione disapproved of Harry's plan to try to get into the secret room. She felt that he was neglecting the task Dumbledore had given him, which was to persuade Professor Slughorn into divulging his memory concerning Voldemort.

The rest of the week passed smoothly, what with the excitement of the Apparition lessons. Before Hermione knew, it was Sunday again, so she ventured off to Professor Snape's office.

She'd been trying all week, to the best of her abilities, to not give the sour man a second thought. During class hours, she was fine, because their workload and lessons were enough to keep her concentrated. It was only in the confines of her four poster bed that her mind drifted faithfully back to him. She'd mentally review her DADA class with him, tried to remember if he'd looked at her in a certain way, or if he'd spoken to her differently. Usually, there was nothing to be said about her classes with him. He would treat her coldly, sarcastically, but he treated all his students in that manner so there was nothing to pick up on.

Nevertheless, there were times, mostly in the Great Hall at meals, when she felt for sure that she was being watched. She would then turned around to look if anyone seemed to be observing her, but couldn't really pinpoint the source of the feeling. During those circumstances, she would always check up on her Professor, but he usually seemed to be busy scowling at his plate, his fellow teachers, or the students.

Hermione was walking in the hall leading to Snape's office when she spotted him, striding towards her. She slowed down, expecting him to do the same, instead he strode past her as if she wasn't even there. She turned and started to jog after him.

'Professor? This is the time you gave me for our lessons… Are the still happening?' she asked, thoroughly confused.

'I should ask you the same question since you gave yourself the liberty of skipping our last lesson' he replied smoothly, never slowing down. Hermione was next to him now but still had to jog slightly to keep up with his pace.

'I was under the impression that last week's lesson was for me to read the book you gave me.' Which she had, while practicing by herself the moves demonstrated in it. Even though she wasn't going to use them any time soon, or at least she hoped, Cormac having kept his distances like he was required to do, they would be useful for her.

'You were wrong. It was incredibly impolite of you to stand me up in such a manner. But I confess that it didn't surprise me, you've never had any concern about anyone's schedule apart from your own. If it was up to me, I would resume your detentions you've unfairly escaped from, but the Headmaster think differently and I must obbey him. Regardless, do not think for a second that I am indebted to you in any way or that I will tolerate such behaviour in the future.' His icy voice spoken through clenched teeth made Hermione feel small and foolish.

'I'm sorry' she said quietly.

She continued to walk next to him, neither of them saying a word. They were heading upwards, in the direction of the Astronomy tower.

'You are to assist me in dispelling a boggart that has found it's way into a storage cabinet of one of the empty classrooms. One of my first year Slytherins found it while exploring today and was given a real fright.' He spoke in a curt tone, signalizing his annoyance at the task ahead, but Hermione was surprised to hear a smidgen of warmth when he spoke of his student.

They continued to walk in silence until Snape stopped and motioned for Hermione to enter a classroom to the right, one floor below the Astronomy tower. She turned the knob and entered the room, Snape following closely behind.

Inside rose a tall old looking brown wardrobe, quite like the one Professor Lupin had once used to teach his students about boggarts in Hermione's third year. The battered wood door was slightly ajar, evidence of the first year Slytherin's passing.

Hermione advanced towards it carefully.

When Snape had mentioned the boggart, she immediately regretted having came that night.

Because, to defeat a boggart, the creature must first take on the appearance of one's biggest fear.

The last and first time Hermione had dealt with a boggart, she was young and her fears were still one's of an innocent child. But in the last few years, she'd grown up fast and had witnessed horrors that no seventeen year old should have to see.

Part of her was very nervous about having to face the boggart. But a stronger part of her felt a sort of ill curiosity.

She wanted to know what her biggest fear was.

She was all too aware of her Professor merely a meter behind her. She knew he was waiting for her to act, probably scowling as if disgusted by the task at hand and standing proud with his arms crossed.

She felt a sort of twist of nervousness and anticipation in her gut.

Deep breath in.

Deep breath out.

It's going to be fine.

It's simple.

Don't worry.

Pretend he's not there.

Her pep talk did little to help though.

But she didn't let it show.

She raised her wand and took two confident steps forward. With a flick of her outstretched wand, the door to the wardrobe creaked open some more.

A hand appeared, filthy fingers gripping the door tightly.

Then, to her surprise, stumbled out her parents.

Dirty.

Scratched.

 _Hurt._

Her dad was supporting her mom, holding her with his right arm around her waist, while she pressed her lower right side with her left arm, where a patch of red was slowly getting bigger. Her father had a huge bloody gash on his chest, from his left shoulder all the way down to where his hip bone started.

But, what scared Hermione most, was their expressions.

Both of them were looking around frantically for help, searching with wide fear stricken eyes for someone that could save them.

 _Her._

Hermione uttered a muffled whimper. She hadn't moved yet, but she could feel her muscles, that were tense before, buckling under the impact of the vision. She was gripping her wand so tightly that she was shaking. Her heart felt as if it was being stabbed repeatedly, each time the ache worsening.

It's just the boggart, it's not really them- but it looks so real!- it's just my fear, it's not really happening- but they're _dying_!

As if hearing her thoughts, her mother turned, limping, to her. Her face broke into an expression of hope.

Hermione's dad turned also, still supporting her mother.

Hurting.

Bloody.

 _Dying._

'Hermione!'

Their strangled cry had the same effect on Hermione as a slap. She shook her head, bit her lip and let out, in a voice that barely wavered: 'Riddikulus.'

Swirls of white mist made her parents disappear, but their features were forever engraved in Hermione's mind.

The mist came together high in the air, before descending and leaving in it's place, Harry, Ron, Ginny and Neville.

This time she didn't even wait to see their injuries.

She knew it would be the same.

The ones she loved would be dying and she couldn't do anything about it.

She wasn't going to watch them suffer again.

'Riddikulus!'

Harry, Ron, Ginny and Neville all vanished slowly in the same way her parents had, bits of the image turning to smoke that came together over them, swirling menacingly.

Then, they pulled themselves together for the final blow.

They turned darker and slowly, they melted away, smoke leaving place to _him_.

 _Severus Snape._

Hunched over, holding his chest in his heart region. She couldn't yet glimpse his features, but he seemed in pain.

She saw him lift his right hand from his chest slowly, letting her see a deep gash.

He turned his hand to look at his blood stained palm.

Then, he lifted his head.

His eyes sought out hers and when they found each other, they locked on to them.

Dark infinite pools of black filled with the inexplicable, an emotion Hermione thought she'd never see on her Professor Snape's eyes.

 _Fear._

She couldn't do it anymore. Couldn't just stand there, straight and taunt, while the boggart took _his_ shape.

It was killing her, from the inside.

Hard as it was to watch her parents, then her friends, it was harder now to watch Professor Snape dying without her being able to help him.

It was crazy.

It defied everything.

It made everything so much more complicated.

She knew he was behind her, but she just couldn't turn around.

Instead, she remained transfixed, staring at his bleeding shape.

It was as if a mysterious force was keeping her silent, keeping her frozen in place.

She couldn't do it anymore.

His eyes.

They were captivating her.

She couldn't look away.

Her breathing was painful in her chest and somewhere down the line, her heart had stopped beating so loudly.

Now all she did, was stare at a dying man.

She didn't know what she felt.

All her emotions were jumbled up together.

She felt so hopeless.

She wanted to scream.

So she did.

'RIDIKULUS!'

And he vanished in a mass of black smoke.

She didn't even wait to see what was going to take his place.

She turned to stare at the real Severus Snape.

And saw nothing.

Not a smidgen of emotion was shown of his face.

And that's what broke her.

He was still standing there, arms crossed as if he hadn't just witnessed the scene.

Shaking her head lightly, she advanced towards him. Her eyes pierced his, still looking for a sign, a sign that he felt at least _something_.

Nothing.

'You really don't feel anything, do you.'

It wasn't a question.

She left him, not able to see his emotionless eyes anymore.

Go after her!

Stay here!

No, go!

NO!

STAY!

Severus was being torn apart.

Seeing himself die was hard enough.

But knowing that his death was one of Miss Granger's, no _Hermione's_ , worst fears was what astounded him.

Was it possible she had feelings for him?

It left him so confused.

But he knew he couldn't let it show.

That's why he didn't let her see his reaction when she turned to him.

But, he _needed_ to go after her.

He couldn't just let her walk away.

He needed to yell to her : No, I do feel!

I feel too much!

But he needed to stay.

He couldn't go after her.

He mustn't.

No.

NO.

NO!

He swept around swiftly.

His reason was screaming to him to stay, to let her go, but he couldn't do it anymore.

He left the classroom.

He saw her walking up the Astronomy tower steps.

STOP!

He started walking up the stairs.

Stop this Severus!

What are you doing?

He shook his head roughly.

She disappeared into the tower.

His feet kept walking, not at all obeying the voice in his head that was screaming to go back, to back down, to leave, to run away, to STOP.

He couldn't.

It was as if an invisible thread was pulling him towards her.

He reached the tower.

Stepped inside.

It was dark and he could only glimpse her by the light of the moon.

She was looking out the main window, her back to him.

Outside, night had fallen and stars were twinkling high in the sky.

'Miss Granger.'

His deep baritone voice didn't surprise Hermione. She didn't turn. She didn't want to look at him and see nothing but disgust etched across his features.

'Miss Granger.' Severus repeated her name, willing her to turn, willing to see her doe-brown eyes again filled with something other than abandon.

Hermione shook her head.

Severus advance more.

His conscience was telling him no, telling him that this could ruin everything, so stop!

Hermione knew he was closer now. She was certain he wanted to reprimand her for her words.

Severus was going to regret this, he knew.

But he didn't care anymore.

Ignoring her was hurting too much.

'Hermione.'

She tensed.

She turned.

Her eyes sought out his.

The sadness visible in them made Severus want to hold her tightly against his chest.

He stepped closer to her.

He could hear her breathing.

Hermione could hear his breathing.

He was so close.

But it didn't bother her.

Her eyes pierced his.

'Yes?'

Her voice was soft and confident.

She stepped closer.

What was she doing?

She didn't really know.

It just felt right.

He couldn't answer.

His throat was tight.

If he wanted to, he could reach out to stroke her delicately carved cheek.

And he wanted to.

He was so close.

If she leaned in more, she could wrap her arms around his neck.

Slowly, agonizingly slowly, she raised her right hand and rested it softly on his heaving chest.

What was she doing?

He then lifted his left hand and reached out to grasp her lightly by the waist.

What was he doing?

'Hermione.'

He repeated her name again.

She came closer.

He needed to get his words out but they were blocked in his throat.

He closed his eyes.

 _What was he doing?_

'I do feel.'

She gazed at his relaxed but at the same time, tensed, face.

Gazed at his moving lips.

Hermione closed her eyes.

'I feel too much.'

She could feel his breaths against her lips.

His voice sent shivers down her spine.

His hand on her waist pulled her closer.

He could feel her every movement.

She moistened her lips.

He leaned in even closer.

Slowly.

His lips caressed her cheek.

She inhaled sharply.

Turned her head a bit more.

His lips trailed down towards the corner of her lips.

She shivered.

Her breathing was coming out shakily.

She brought her lips towards his.

He inhaled slowly.

And let his lips brushed against hers.

Instantly, he opened his eyes, let go of her waist and took a step back.

She opened hers to and stare at him.

His face was emotionless again.

She advanced towards him.

He turned.

And walked away.

Robes swirling in the darkness.

Outside, night had fallen and stars were twinkling high in the sky.

 **Author's note:** School is crazy, so updating will take a while… I'm sorry! Hope you liked the chapter!


	11. Chapter 11: Inevitable

What had she done?

The question haunted her as she walked briskly back to the Gryffindor common room.

Her footsteps resounded in the corridor but she barely heard them, all her thoughts concentrated on the events that had transpired only minutes ago.

She'd almost been kissed.

By Severus Snape.

A man nineteen years her senior.

 _Her teacher_.

Hermione was so confused.

She knew she ought to feel embarrassed, disgusted even.

But when she searched her feelings, she only felt disappointment.

She'd _almost_ been kissed.

She entered the common room, oblivious to anyone around her and set off purposely to her dorms.

She opened the door to the bathroom she shared with the other sixth year girls and closed it, leaning heavily on it afterwards.

Muttering a spell to lock the door, she turned to stare at herself in the mirror.

Her reflection stared back at her, a Hermione with a flushed complexion and disbelief clear in her eyes.

'I was almost kissed by Severus Snape' she said aloud, in a rather neutral voice.

Her reflection cocked her head to the left.

'I was- I was _almost_ kissed by Severus Snape' she repeated again, though this time her voice held a tinge of panic.

'Oh gods!'

Hermione moaned and sank to the floor.

Her hands rose up to clutch her the back of her head in desperation.

What had she done?

What did she feel for the man?

But most importantly, what did he feel for her?

Hermione groaned and slumped until she was lying on the cold tiled floor of the bathroom.

She stared at the smooth white ceiling and brought her right hand to trace lightly her lips.

She closed her eyes.

His hand resting softly on her waist.

His lips brushing against her cheek.

His deep beautiful voice whispering that he _did_ feel.

Did he mean he had feelings for her?

Did she feel something for him?

She rose suddenly.

She pushed off the ground and got up. She took a last glance at her reflection before unlocking the bathroom door and stepping out.

She changed into her nightwear and slipped into her bed, taking care to put a silencing charms around her bed and shut her curtains.

Did she have feelings for Severus Snape?

She knew she respected him.

Puff! Respected him! Hermione rolled over on her side.

She chuckled to herself.

There was no sense denying it any longer.

Merlin help her.

She was in love with Severus Snape.

…

Severus paced around in his chambers.

He was so angry.

Angry at himself for acting out.

For not holding back.

He'd almost kissed her!

He clenched his teeth and stopped pacing to drop in his chair.

He ran a pale hand through his hair and exhaled slowly.

He knew what he did was wrong.

But he couldn't make himself believe it fully.

He'd been through too much.

And now, with having to kill Albus...

He brought his right hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

He needed to stop Hermione.

He couldn't let her get involved with him.

But did she feel anything for him?

He wasn't good enough for her.

But she didn't back away...

He was way to old.

But she leaned in to meet his lips...

He was snarky sarcastic and had done things she would never understand.

But you love her!

And she probably loves you too...

He rose from his chair and went to take his trusty bottle of Firewhisky.

He was going to need it.

…

Hermione rose feeling oddly refreshed.

While dressing, she mentally scanned her day's lessons.

DADA was last...

She huffed loudly making Lavender turn around.

'Something wrong Hermione?' She asked, eyebrow raised.

'No nothing really... Just another Monday morning!' she responded lightly.

Lavender smiled at her and rolled her eyes to indicate that she understood Hermione's pain, then continued to put on her makeup.

…

Hermione felt incredibly nervous before entering the Great Hall.

She hesitated slightly before crossing the doorway.

Once in the Hall, her eyes were instantly drawn up to the Head table where she saw, to her great dismay, that he wasn't there.

The spring in her step left and she felt rather empty and disappointed as she seated herself.

She helped herself to some toast and waited for Harry and Ron to appear.

 _Severus bloody Snape_ , she thought to herself as she angrily munched on her breakfast. _You left me last night and now you don't even have the courage to come this morning.  
_  
She stopped chewing as a horrible thought crossed her mind.

In her frenzy to decipher her feeling for Professor Snape, or rather, _Severus_ , she'd completely overlooked how last night had ended.

He'd left her!

Why did he leave?

Did he not want to kiss her?

Or because he realized that, as a teacher, his actions were inappropriate?

She shook her head and swallowed her bite.

She didn't know much about men, but she wasn't blind to how they acted and what their body language expressed.

He'd _wanted_ to kiss her.

Severus Snape had followed her, had tried to tell her that he _did_ feel, that he was really a human with emotions.

He must have realized that he'd gone too far.

Hermione wasn't certain what to think.

All she knew, was that she desperately wanted to see him.

She chuckled to herself as she waved to Harry and Ron who'd just entered the Great Hall.

If anyone had told her just months ago that she'd desperately want to see Professor Snape at any time in her life, she would have sent them directly to St-Mongo's.

…

When Albus had flooed for Severus first thing in the morning, he'd immediately shaken himself out of his drunken stupor, taken a hangover potion and put a cleansing spell over his yesterday's outfit before flooing into Albus' office.

When he breathlessly asked what was wrong, for the Headmaster rarely called upon him so early, Dumbledore had smiled sadly.

'Ah nothing, nothing's wrong Severus! I simply prefer using up all of my last days!'

Which had the same effect on Severus as being punched in the gut.

He ruffled his black strands of hair and breathed out, defeated.

'Now Severus, I called upon you to ask how the Draco situation is going. Has the boy confided in you at all?' Albus' smooth voice calmed Severus down, but his piercing stare made him close his mind which he hadn't taken to do in his haste to get to the wizard's office.

An ice cold shiver ran through him at the thought that Albus, one of his only friends who'd been there for him all these years, would find out about the- what should he call it?- _Hermione_ situation.

'Draco isn't budging. He remains faithful to the idea instilled by his derange aunt that I am out, somehow, to steal the glory linked with your murder.'

Dumbledore pursed his lips and breathed out slightly, clearly disappointed.

'Well, if that's all, I'll go done to get some breakfast before my first lesson.' Severus offered gesturing to the door to indicate that Albus could come with him. He didn't want to miss the occasion to see her. Even though he did not know how he was supposed to act. Or how she would act for that matter.

 _God, what a fucking mess_.

Albus waved a hand turning his offer down, but continued to fix Severus in the way he'd dubbed long ago the _Albus X-rays_.

'Are you sure nothing else is bothering you, Severus?' His concerned voice made Severus want to curl up and forget the world.

 _I need to kill this man…_

'Apart from having to eventually kill you, no, nothing, Albus.' Severus let, for one rare time, emotion cross his features, an incredible amount of long contained sadness, before nodding and exiting the Headmaster's office.

Once out of the stairs and in the corridor, his mask was back up again.

…

In the Great Hall, he saw her right away. Sitting with the two boys, her faithful companions, who definitely didn't deserve her. Scowling, he proceeded to seat in his regular spot and serve himself some toast. Not that he was hungry. But he needed a reason to be present this morning.

Very subtly, he observed her as he ate. She had her back to him so she mustn't have notice his entrance.

She finished just before him, having been in the Hall for longer and stood up, followed by the boys.

As she did so, she casually glance upwards to the Head Table.

Immediately, her eyes locked on his.

From where she was in the Great Hall, very far from him, Hermione still shivered, remembering the intensity of the night before. She tore her eyes away from his dark ones before anyone noticed, a twisting feeling in her gut.

She tried, rather unsuccessfully, to rejoin Ron and Harry's conversation, but her mind was obviously elsewhere. …

Severus spent the day scowling.

It seemed as if the students were all plotting against him to make his lessons seem endless.

She entered with the two of them and sat down in their usual corner.

Once again, their eyes met, but this time, Hermione allowed herself to sustain the contact, for it was in her habits to look up at the teacher during lessons.

Giving in, she allowed her mind to wander and starting observing her Professor's features.

Was his hair really all that greasy? It seemed to have gotten better in the past year, since he wasn't in a room full of cauldrons all day long. He did have a rather chiseled jawline and high cheek bones, _how have I never noticed that before_?

True, he wasn't the most attractive of men, but there was no denying that he held a sort of aura of dark mystery and seduction…

'Why Miss Granger, pray tell us what has captivated your interest so much that you've started to daydream in my class?' His cruel mocking voice and cold eyes made her want to scream.

'Nothing sir,' she responded calmly, trying to not blush or snap at him, 'nothing whatsoever'.

Then, for a second, she saw it in his eyes.

 _Regret._

'See me after class.'

Severus gave her one more menacing look, warning her to stop, then continued to teach his class.

Harry and Ron gave Hermione sideways surprised glances. She knew why. He'd called her out in his usual rude manner, but he'd let the incident slip past easily. Too easily. Already she heard some whispers, the Slytherins weren't happy about this.

Severus wanted the class to end. He couldn't do it. He needed to put a stop to all of this. It seemed to him that they were eternally locked in this struggle, always taking one step forward to then take two backwards.

He needed to talk to her. To explain that this, he didn't even know how to name it, relationship? Affair? needed to stop. It was ripping him apart from the inside, but he knew it was the right thing to do. For her.

She was too good, too smart, too pure to be tarnished by him. He wasn't good enough for her. Too old. Too ugly. Too bitter. Too snarky. Too damaged.

She needed someone as young and wonderful as her. Not one of her teachers, a man nineteen years her senior, an ex-Death Eater.

 _Just keep teaching_ , he thought to himself bitterly, _it's almost over._

…

At the thought of having to see him after class, to be alone with him, Hermione's heart rate accelerated and she felt the all too familiar twist in her gut she'd come to associate with being around him.

She wondered what he'd say.

She wondered what _she'd_ say.

…

'Class dismissed.'

He didn't even have the strength to give them homework. He just wanted this to be finished, so he could drink himself into nothingness to forget the pain of having, _once again_ , lost the woman he loved.

Severus saw Hermione pack up her things very slowly as the rest of the class rushed out, eager to be done with the day's lessons.

All the students had left when she finally stood up, slung her bag over her shoulder and approached him carefully.

Her hair was loose and the little light that was present in the room made it shine and brought out the variations of brown in it. Oh how he longed to reach out and stroke her locks, to trace her cheek and taste her lips.

 _Stop it Severus._

 _Stop all of this once and for all._

'You wanted to see me, sir?' Her voice quivered slightly with anticipation and she bit down on her lip. Hermione didn't know how he'd react. She was so incredibly nervous. _If he'd just speak..._

He continued to shuffle with his papers then he stopped and looked at her.

'I wanted to tell you that your private lessons are over.'

He had tried to slip an insult in there or at least to try and sound as if it didn't bother him, just to keep up his facade, but he couldn't make himself do so. He didn't want the last time they'd probably ever talk about anything important to be ruined by his cold emotionless demeanor.

Hermione was sort of expecting this. It didn't hurt her any less though.

She cocked her head slightly and peered deeper into his dark black eyes.

'May I ask why, sir?' she asked inquiringly.

He stepped towards her just slightly, but enough for Hermione to be overwhelmed by his scent. He stared her down and answered softly: 'You know perfectly well why.'

His rich voice seemed detached.

They were locked in a staring match.

Hermione didn't want to leave him.

Not now.

Not like this.

There was a war going on.

Who knew if this conversation would ever be their last real one?

She needed to know.

Bracing herself for possible harsh rejection, she crossed her arms and asked him quietly.

'Do… do you regret last night?'

Her soft voice made Severus' heart ache. Of course he didn't regret last night! The only thing there was to regret was not having kissed her fully!

And so, even though he knew these words would cause more pain to him and to her in the end, he chose not to lie to Hermione.

'No.'

Hermione's sharp intake of breath was the only sound they both heard.

She stepped closer to him.

'Severus…' His name left her lips before she could stop it and instinctively she rose her hand to cover them, eyes wide.

And that's what broke his resolve.

Hermione saw a sort of deep determination light up his eyes as he closed the distance between the two of them, in one step.

His arms enclosed her back as she brought her's up to encircle his neck. His beautiful face was the last image she glimpsed as she closed her eyes. Suddenly, his lips met her's fiercely and everything else melted away.

Fire.

Desire.

Passion.

She couldn't get enough.

She was breathless, wanting more of his lips, more of his taste, more of everything that was _him._

Severus needed her.

All of her.

His arms tighten his hold around her back.

He felt every single place she touched him as if electrified.

Her hands in his hair.

Her body pressed against his.

His lips continued to kiss her's, nipping and biting.

He would soon need to stop for breath but stopping meant letting her go and he just couldn't do that.

Her.

All of her.

 _Hermione._

All of a sudden, a knock sounded out.

They broke apart abruptly, straightening their clothes hastily but never once breaking eye contact.

'Yes?' Severus asked still looking into Hermione's doe colored eyes. She was biting her lip again and her cheeks were a rosy shade. Severus' body and soul were already crying from the separation, wanting desperately to taste her once more.

She looked beautiful.

'Uh, is Hermione still in there?'

 _POTTER._

Severus was going to rip the boy to pieces.

Scowling, he turned his head towards the door and answered scathingly: 'Yes she is.'

Then, motioning that she should follow, he led the way to the door.

He opened it and nodded to her as she left the room. Once the door was closed, he leaned upon it and brought his hands to his face, breathing in heavily.

 _What had he done?_

 **Author's note** : Yay an update! What do you guys think? Next time, I'll write thank you's to all those who have reviewed! Sorry about that, it's been long overdue for me to do that!


	12. Chapter 12 : Moments

Last time: _All of a sudden, a knock sounded out. They broke apart abruptly, straightening their clothes hastily but never once breaking eye contact. 'Yes?' Severus asked still looking into Hermione's doe colored eyes. She was biting her lip again and her cheeks were a rosy shade. She looked beautiful. 'Uh, is Hermione still in there?'POTTER. Severus was going to rip the boy to pieces. Scowling, he turned his head towards the door and answered scathingly: 'Yes she is.' Then, motioning that she should follow, he led the way to the door. He opened it and nodded to her as she left the room. Once the door was closed, he leaned upon it and brought his hands to his face, breathing in heavily. What had he done?_

'Why were you in there for so long Hermione?' Harry asked, scrunching his brows.

Hermione's heart was still beating wildly.

They'd kissed!

She couldn't believe it.

She wanted nothing more than to sprint to her dorms, locked herself in her chambers and think about everything that just happened. But she needed to answer Harry.

'Oh, he was just explaining to me that my detentions with him were now over. And to pay attention in class.' She tried to sound nonchalant but knew she was failing. Luckily, Harry was started talking right away about his Malfoy theory, to which Hermione supplied her opinion when needed, though it was mostly just Harry ranting.

They entered the Great Hall together and went to sit down with Neville, Ron, Lavender, Ginny and Dean, that couple being very far seated at the table, Hermione noticed. The boys were talking animatedly about quidditch, conversation to which Harry readily joined it, while Lavender was talking to Parvati. Ginny waved Hermione over and started to talk to her about Dean while Hermione served herself.

'And so I told him, back off, I can talk to whoever I chose, you're my boyfriend, you don't own me! Then he started- you're not even listening, are you Hermione?' Ginny smug face and crossed arms made Hermione bit her lip even more.

'I'm sorry Ginny, what were you saying?' she apologized, trying not to blush to much. _Please don't ask what's on my mind, please don't ask-_

'So what are you thinking about so _passionately_ that you don't listen to your best girlfriend here, huh?' Ginny said teasingly while shaking her head.

'Nothing, just thinking about all the homework I need to do tonight' Hermione replied, feigning, once again, to appear detached.

Ginny cocked her head and raised her eyebrow, indicating that she clearly didn't believe Hermione's fib.

At that precise moment, Severus entered the Great Hall, dark robes flowing behind him as usual. It took all of Hermione's will power not to look. She felt a knot in her stomach and was suddenly no longer hungry. _If they were discovered… What had they gotten themselves into?_

'Come ooonnn Hermioneee! Please do tell!' Ginny made her best puppy eyes and Hermione burst out laughing.

'It's nothing, I swear Gin! Now, what were you saying about Dean?' Ginny shook her head again and rolled her eyes before continuing to talk about her and Dean.

…

Severus heard Hermione's delicious laugh as he strode to the High table. He held back from looking at her. It would do them no good to exchange looks for someone to notice. The last thing he wanted was to be discovered.

Scowling, he sat down and surveyed the scene, carefully looking all around, just to have an excuse to look at her, however brief it was.

 _What have I gotten myself into?_

…

Hermione lay awake thinking.

 _I kissed him._

 _He kissed me!_

 _Severus Snape!_

 _What would happen if we get discovered?_

She rolled over to the side of her bed groaning.

Breath out.

Breath in.

And, slowly, she fell asleep, imagining being held by her Professor.

…

Hermione awoke shivering.

She'd just had the worst nightmare.

It had been the boggart scene all over again. Severus dying while she stood by watching…

Shaking her head to clear the images, she rose and prepared herself for the day.

She wouldn't see him again for a while, not having a lesson with him until next Monday.

…

The week passed quickly for Severus. Between a surprising summon by the Dark Lord, who usually summon him during the week, meeting with Dumbledore and detentions with the dunderheads, Severus had barely time to think.

It was only late at night that he could finally breath while he tried, unsuccessfully, to sleep the hours required for him to function.

He began attending all the meals in the Hall, just to catch a glimpse of her.

He wanted to enjoy every second he could have in her company.

And he felt like a real bastard.

He wasn't going to survive the war.

That was a fact he'd been aware of for a long time.

Add that to needing to kill Dumbledore, and thus betray the Order and break Hermione's trust in him, even though it was all really an act planned by Albus himself, made Severus want to fall asleep and not wake up.

 _Basically_ , he thought sourly one night, _I kill her headmaster, betray her, put her through a war during which she will think of me as a bastard, then die once she knows the truth_.

If he didn't hate himself before, he certainly couldn't stand the sight of himself now.

…

Hermione's week was a bad one.

The school load was starting to really kick in and she kept having the same nightmares every night.

Severus dying.

All over again.

She would wake up, three, four times a night, sobbing hysterically.

It happen again Sunday night and this time Hermione had enough.

It was three in the morning, she hadn't slept fully in days and she needed to concentrate on her studies.

So she did the only rational thing.

Quietly, she slipped out of bed and left her dorm.

Once the door to the Gryffindor common room had closed, leaving a disgruntled and bleary-eyed Fat lady telling her that she was very impolite to wake her up, Hermione realized that it maybe hadn't been the best idea after all.

For starters, she didn't want to wake Professor Slughorn up to ask him for a Dreamless sleep potion, because that man would ask her why and repeat it everywhere he would go.

She could go to the Infirmary…

But deep down, she knew she wanted to go to Severus.

 _Don't be a reckless Gryffindor, Hermione..._

She chose to ignore that.

Jogging lightly, it took her less than five minutes to arrive to the dungeons. The soft sound of her footsteps on the floor, her ragged breathing and her beating heart were all that accompanied her as she ran.

Finding her DADA classroom, she walked briskly down the Hall. She'd long ago noticed that the Professor's chambers were always close to their classroom.

She found his door and knocked without hesitating.

Footsteps from the inside, then a angry looking Snape open the door.

 _Maybe not that good of an idea indeed._

There he was, one hand on the door and another holding the door frame. His hair was in a disarray, reminding Hermione that her's probably looked even worse. For the first time, Hermione saw that he wasn't wearing his signature black robes. He was dressed in the white shirt that must've been underneath. It was loose around the neck, the top few button being open and she could just glimpse his beautiful paled skin underneath.

'What are you doing here Granger?' His cold and direct voice made Hermione feel small and foolish.

She groaned inwardly as he took in her appearance. Let's just say, her nightgown, although billowy didn't leave a lot to the imagination.

'I'm sorry to bother you sir, but I was wondering if you had a vial of Dreamless sleep for me?' She asked quietly feeling like she had lead in her stomach.

He'd called her _Granger_.

Severus paused slightly, trying not to stare at her too much. The sight of her exposed flesh, her strong shoulders and delicate collar bones, her beautiful elegant neck and soft curves were all begging to be touched, caressed.

'Why didn't you go see Madame Pomfrey instead of waking me up in the middle of the night?' Oh, he thought he knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it from her luscious lips.

She bit her lip but still answered confidently.

'I wanted to see you.'

She didn't feel small or foolish or naive anymore.

She was in love with this complicated and dark man and she wouldn't shy away from that any longer.

He closed his eyes and appeared to the first time for her, very _vulnerable_.

'Hermione' he started softly before being cut off by her lips against his.

And he forgot what he wanted to say.

She kissed him hard and he could sense how much she wanted him.

 _Severus Snape_.

And so he let her have him.

Wrapping her tightly in his embrace, he held her and kissed her back.

Wondering quietly in the back of his mind, if she would want him if she knew the whole truth.

Hermione pressed herself harder against him, weaving her fingers through his black hair.

She was afraid to touch any more of him, to trace the hard muscles of his back.

She knew it was wrong, oh so, so wrong.

But it felt so desperately right.

Severus pushed her gently against the door and lift his hands to hold her face as he kissed her more intensely.

Merlin he wanted her.

Her lips.

He wanted to hold her and shield her from the world.

She wanted more and more and more.

All of him.

Tentatively, she brought her right hand from behind his head to stroke ever so softly his cheek.

He flinched at the contact of her hand and stopped kissing her.

She pulled back uncertain, still holding her hand up but no longer touching his cheek.

'Sorry' she murmured, biting her lip and blushing.

Severus didn't trust himself to speak.

Instead he gazed into her mesmerizing eyes and tried to communicate that it was okay.

He then realized that he was still holding her tightly and released his hold.

He went inside his chambers and summoned a vial into which he poured some of his own Dreamless Sleep potion. He had a rather good amount of it.

Returning outside he outstretched his arm and open his palm for her to take the vial.

She did, barely brushing his hand.

Their eyes never left each others.

'Thank you' Hermione said.

The courage that had filled her moments ago had left her, making her feel slightly intimidated by the man.

 _Merlin he makes me nervous_.

They stood there a bit awkwardly for a moment or two before Hermione smiled sadly and turned to leave.

'Why do you need to potion?' His deep voice ringing out through the deserted hallway made her shiver all over.

She looked back at him over her shoulder.

 _She is so beautiful._

'I keep seeing you dying when I close my eyes.'

She looked so sad that Severus simply couldn't leave her there. So he took two steps forward and brought up his right hand to cup her cheek, hesitated, then settled to rest his hand on her arm. She closed her eyes.

 _What am I doing?_ A voice screamed in his head.

 _She is so beautiful,_ replied another, stronger voice.

'I'm sorry.'

It was one of the rare times he'd apologized to anyone.

And he was so sorry.

But not for her nightmares.

For what he would do to her. For all that he needed to do for the war.

But she would never know that.

She couldn't know that.

Because he wasn't going to survive the war and the last thing he wanted was for her to cling to his memory forever.

He needed for her to hate him.

But deep, deep down, he knew that it might already be too late.

That she loved him so much that she could never possibly hate him.

He dropped his hand and left her there as he returned to his chambers.

He wouldn't sleep at all that night.

…

Hermione returned to her dorms feeling oddly giddy but at the same time sad.

He'd flinched at her touch. Why, she didn't know. But she hoped that he would get used to her.

Severus Snape.

 _Her Severus Snape._

…

The month of April passed in a blur. Hermione spent all of her time studying for exams. If she wasn't doing that, she was at the library researching. She needed to figure out who the Half-Blood prince was.

Her heart always beat faster whenever she was in Severus' presence.

They would never look at each other. Ever. They were careful.

In class, he would treat her the same as usual. She didn't condemn him for it. She understood how he needed to act. Still, sometimes, his snarky comments would sting at the moment, but she rose higher than that and would forgive him. She just reminded herself that, had they been alone, he'd never say those things to her.

One day, she was in the library, researching for a rather complicate Charms assignment, when he appeared.

She was alone in her aisle, slightly in the less occupied area of the library. He was looking around, seemingly searching for something.

Or _someone._

She moved a bit so that she was in his vision. He saw her, they shared brief, intense eye contact, before she turned and continued to browse. She could feel her chest tighten and the familiar knot in her stomach, that happened whenever they were together, came back.

Severus saw her. He hadn't meant to come looking for her, he really did need a book, but he had come at this precise time, the lull after supper, knowing that he had better chances of seeing her.

He walked briskly towards her aisle.

'Miss Granger' he said swiftly, greeting her with a nod.

'Professor Snape' she replied as coolly.

He now had a his left hand on a book on the shelf, reading the titles intently.

Glancing around to assure herself that they were indeed alone, and far from prying eyes, Hermione rose her right hand to the same level as his was.

Slowly, she moved so that her pinky finger was touching his.

Still, they both pretended to be absorbed in finding their respective books.

Gradually, she moved her hand so that it rested on top of his.

He inhaled sharply and close his eyes.

'Not here'

It had been twelve days since she came to his chambers. Although he chided himself to be counting such a lovesick thing, he couldn't help himself.

He grasped her hand gently and turned it over.

Then, starting where her index finger was, he traced her heart line all the way to the edge of her palm with his thumb, while still holding her hand.

He didn't look at her face, only her beautifully soft hand.

He could feel her breathing and it was so intoxicating to be in her presence again.

If only he could kiss her, hold her without feeling remorse, without feeling wrong.

Then he let go roughly and swept away from her.

Hermione followed his dark shape as he left the library.

She wanted him like nothing ever before.

 **Author's note:** I know, not a lot of plot in this chapter… Next chapter will have some, don't worry! It was just that timing wise, I had this stupid month of April where nothing really happens (in book 6) but I couldn't just skip it!

Oh and also, the part saying that the Professor's chambers were never far from their classrooms was something I invented, to justify Hermione knowing where Severus' chambers were.

Also, I noticed that my spacers (I don't really know how to call them) didn't appear on my phone, so I've tried something new (the …). If they appear on my phone, I will change the other chapters so that they appear there also! Sorry if it made any of your reading seem sketchy…

Finally, I tried to update on Monday, but I couldn't upload my chapter on a Mac… So I had to wait until today to post… I am so sorry, I really wanted to post earlier to thank you all for reading and was very mad and disappointed when it wouldn't word…

As always, thank you for reading and I love all your reviews!

And now, looooonnng overdue thanks to my reviewers! I really appreciate every single one! The usernames are in alphabetical order btw :)

 **ALIASTESIN** : Well, I try :P thank you for your reviews!

 **Amarenima Redwood** : Thanks for your many reviews! :)

 **avidprof** : Yes, I wanted to give Severus time to move on, because I agree, even if it was (for me) part of one of the biggest plot twists in Harry Potter (thank you so much J.K Rowling!), Severus needed to stop loving Lily at one point… So thank you for your reviews :)

 **Cloelius Princess** : Thank you for your constructive review! I hope that you think that these last few chapters are better! :)

 **DutchGirl01** : Glad to know you like it! Thank you for you reviews!

 **Dybicius** : Thank you for spotting that and telling me! I've corrected it and really don't know how I missed it while writing it! :)

 **Gaamatsu96** : I hope you didn't wait that long this time, hehehe! Thank you!

 **Hikari Kinomoto** : Awww thank you! :)

 **Lusting for Life** : I'll try, thanks! :)

 **Maiannaise** : I know! ;)

 **megumisakura** : Thank you for all your reviews!

 **Megzela** : Hehehe yes the boggart scene.. Thanks for your reviews! :)

: I'm happy to hear that you think it's going well and that it works with the way a teacher-student relationship goes! Thank you so much for your reviews!

 **mini pony lover** : Well thank you and welcome to the Snamione ship! It's my favorite and you'll find that there is a lot of really good fics out there!

 **pianomouse** : Glad to hear! Thanks!

 **Sassyluv** : Thank you for your reviews (oh yes, plural)!

 **Shelle007** : Thanks! And you're welcome!

 **slitherysnape** : Rather like your username hahaha! I'm trying to update faster :) Don't want to keep you guys waiting too long! Thanks!

 **TinkyWinkyDipsy** : I hope you found the rest of the story to be less predictable than the Cormac chapter… Sorry about that but it was pretty necessary for the plot! Thank you :)

 **WRose** : Thank you so much! Your review made me smile a lot ;)

And thank you all you guest reviewers!


	13. Chapter 13 : Cracks

Hermione's hurried footsteps echoed in the hallway. It was just after supper and she was heading towards Professor Snape's classroom.

Her mind was reeling with what Harry had just told her. She really couldn't believe that he'd been so stupid, so _careless_ to use a spell on someone without knowing its use. Sectumsempra could have done any amount of irreparable damage on Draco and although she did not like the boy in the slightest, she didn't like the idea of him killed by her best friend either.

Because that's what could've happened really, if Severus hadn't arrived.

Hermione closed her eyes and shook her head to rid herself of the notion that Harry could be a murderer.

But what really puzzled her, was how Severus reacted. He'd asked Harry for his Potion's book.

Severus had somehow known about the spell and from where it had came from.

How could he have known?

Yes, Harry said he used Legilimens, but still... Hermione wasn't convinced.

The spell had been scribbled in a corner of the old textbook, seemingly as a note to the owner of the manual, the Half-Blood prince himself. It was highly improbable that Severus, having this old potion's book in one corner of his classroom, had riffled through this book and found the spell.

Hermione sped up as she reached the dungeons.

She just had a hunch, a really good gut feeling that Severus held the key for unlocking who the Half-Blood Prince was. Ever since Harry had opened the book and followed the instructions, Hermione had been captivated by the Prince. It had been hard for her ego to accept, that although she was dubbed the smartest witch of her age, there had been a smarter wizard or witch before her.

Because there was no denying that he was a genius. Oh yes, Hermione was pretty certain that the Prince was a male even if she preached the contrary. The writing and the name of the author himself left little room for Hermione to keep entertaining that notion that the Prince could be female.

Hermione had now reached the DADA classroom. On her way she'd crossed path with a handful of Slytherins but now the corridor was deserted. She knocked three times (a habit she'd picked up from her father) and waited.

Severus heard her knock on his door and felt his heart start racing. Albus had stopped talking when the knocks had resounded and now looked politely interested to know the identity of the knocker. Severus wasn't happy to be interrupted, especially since he was just telling Dumbledore what his prized Potter had done.

Putting on a forced scowl, to keep up appearances, Severus walked stiffly to the door and wrenched it open. Outside, Hermione stood there with her gorgeous hair down and determination shown clearly in her eyes. Severus raised an eyebrow and prayed to the gods that the girl had enough common sense not to mention anything relating their, hum, _situation_ without making sure that they were alone.

'Miss Granger', he asked smoothly, trying to convey that he wasn't pleased with her appearance in the present,'why have you come to bother me?'

Not at all affected by his rude question, she had been his student for six years after all, Hermione raised an eyebrow and mouthed quickly: 'Not alone?' to which he answered with an almost imperceptible shake of his head.

'I'm sorry to bother you Professor, but I was wondering if you could help me with my essay. I'm afraid that I don't exactly understand the work.' Hermione almost patted herself on the shoulder for inventing such a quick and believable lie. Already, she was feeling the affect of being in his presence; accelerated heartbeat, shortness of breath and nervousness.

Severus scowled deepened as he snarled: 'Not now Granger, go ask one of your fellow Gryffindors, though I daresay if you didn't comprehend the simple assignment, I highly doubt they will.' He was about to close the door, sadden by seeing her disappointed face, when Albus' voice interrupted his action.

'No no Severus! Help Miss Granger here!' He advanced to the door and opened it wider then stepped out of the classroom. 'Miss Granger, I hope your studies are doing well?' he asked Hermione kindly.

'Yes, thank you Headmaster, I've already started studying for the end of term exams.' Hermione answered back, smiling at Dumbledore. She really admired the man, even if he was a bit strange sometimes.

'And I wish you all the success with them', Dumbledore concluded then with a nod to both, he turned and started walking away. 'Nighty night!' He called back, waving a hand over his head.

'Goodnight!' Hermione's words echoed in the now deserted hallway. She turned towards Severus who motioned for her to enter his classroom. She did and he closed the door after her.

'Now will you tell me the real reason of your visit Miss Granger?' He asked crossing his arms. He was standing about a meter away from the door and she was leaning slightly on one of the back row's desks. She straightened herself before speaking confidently.

'Well, firstly, I would like to learn the spell you used to heal Malfoy.' She waited a second for his reaction, but getting nothing save for an impassive face, she continued. 'Secondly, I wish to know the identity of the Half-Blood Prince.'

There was a tense pause before Severus replied smoothly 'For your first request, I can teach you the healing spell. The incantation is _Vulnera Sanentur_.'

The way he said the name made Hermione feel that this particular spell held importance in his eyes.

' _Vulnera Sanentur_ ', Hermione repeated under her breath. She nodded earnestly to him, urging him to go on.

'For the spell to properly work, one must chant it three times while waving your wand around the severed area. Singing the spell three times is essential because the first time will slow the blood flow, the second will start the healing of the wounds and the final time will knit the wounds back together. The spell doesn't prevent the scarring so dittany needs to be applied.' Severus checked to see if Hermione had followed his speech before continuing.

'Now, for the second request, tell me what you think of the Half-Blood Prince first.' There was no sense lying to her and pretending that he didn't know of the Half-Blood Prince, she was too intelligent to be fooled. Severus knew he was playing a dangerous game, basically asking her for an one hundred percent honest review of the glimpse she'd seen of him as a teenager, but he couldn't help wanting to know.

Hermione, on the other hand, was really flattered but also slightly confused that he cared about her opinion of the Prince. Well maybe not _cared_ exactly, more… Curious. Severus Snape seemed to give little thought about anybody's opinion, which was something Hermione still failed to do. She couldn't help it, but still had come a long way from the buck-toothed eleven year old who wanted to please all her teachers.

'Well... I don't like how he wrote in his book, it's not really respectful of the learning material,' Severus smirked and Hermione blushed, 'well it isn't! But otherwise, I find it safe to say that he was obviously a potions g _enius_...' There she trailed off and looked down towards the tiled floor of the dungeons, scrunching her eyebrows and seeming deeply in thought. Severus could almost hear her train of thought, could almost sense the gears turning. Then, her eyes widened and she jerked her head upwards to stare at him in shock. Severus cocked his head, inviting her to speak. _Yes_ , he thought smugly, _you've figured it out_...

'You're not him... Are you?' she asked breathlessly. When Severus let a tight almost smile grace his features, she pushed herself off of the desk and jumped up.

'Great gods! It makes sense! How did I not realize it before!' She advanced towards him, a huge, proud smile plastered on her face.

Severus wanted to kiss her.

But he held back.

When he'd fallen in love with her, that one day she'd brewed a potion for him, he'd silently vowed to himself never to make the first move again, for he should never have touched her hand on the mixing rod. It had to be her that initiated the contact for him to let go and reciprocate. And she always had. When she had came to him and kissed him that one night. Then, when she'd touched his hand in the library. Never would he let himself start any contact. He did that because he secretly hoped that she'd stop wanting him so it would make what he had to do easier.

He needed to respond. He'd been silent for too long. She was still looking at him, smiling and waiting with baited breath for him to acknowledge her success.

'Is that all?' His monotonous and seemingly annoyed voice caught Hermione off-guard. She scrunched her eyebrows and swallowed hard. His question had really extinguished her excitement at having finally uncovered the identity of the Prince. She could feel that something was off, he seemed colder than usual.

'Are you mad at me?' She asked the question point blank, emotionless like he always was, without sounding cranky or like a little whiny girl. Hermione was a mature adult and she intended to act like one.  
 _  
Yes_! He wanted to scream. He wanted to punch the air, cry, breakdown and kiss her all at once. _I need to kill one of my rare friends and betray you! And I can't even tell you about it! I'm going to die in the war and break you Hermione!  
_  
Because that was his plan now. He'd let her believe that he'd never really love her then die during the war. She was young and she's get over him.

He didn't deserve her. She was young and full of potential and deserved a better man than him. _She'd find_ _a better man than him_. That's why he didn't tell her. He couldn't tell her about his orders to kill Dumbledore. Because, although he was certain she'd prove to be a much better Occlumens than Potter was, she still could be tortured for information during the war. He couldn't tell her for her own protection.

Or at least that's what he tried to convince himself.

He was just so conflicted, torn between what was right and what he wanted. What was right was stopping this affair right now.

What he wanted was her.

'No, I'm not mad at you.' Severus turned away from Hermione and took a step towards the door.

'Please, tell me what's bothering you Severus.' Hermione advanced towards him. She was so close that she reached out and placed a hand gently behind his back. She was genuinely concerned for him and wanted to know what was wrong. She cared for him so much it ached to sense him not happy. It was so strange to think that this cold distant man, her _professor_ for six years, now meant everything to her. He was always on her mind and her heart would jump whenever she would glimpse him. Just now, in his presence, she wanted to hold him and comfort him. But she knew he wouldn't let her and, if she was truthful, she didn't know if she was capable to do so either. There was so much uncertainty about their relationship, so many things that were left unsaid. She'd never even had a normal conversations with him. She wasn't even sure how it would go. In reality, they had never even spoken of the whole affair, Hermione realized suddenly. She hadn't even told him how much she cared for him, how much she _loved_ him, and she'd never heard the same from his lips. She felt like she knew him but at the same time, he was such a stranger to her. Hermione didn't even know his favorite color, where he grew up, how he liked his tea brewed or who was his favorite author!

But that's just how it was.

Slowly, she brought her hand that was resting on his back around his waist. He flinched slightly but she ignored it, continuing the movement until she was holding him from behind, her whole body pressed into his.

Severus felt her touch all over and it seemed to dull the pain for a bit. He brought his arms to hold her intertwined hands with his own. He traced her fingers with his own pale ones. He closed his eyes. He could feel her heartbeat on his back and notice that their breathing had synced up.

It was so wrong.

But it felt so strangely right.

He needed to stop it all.

And he would.

He turned in her arms slowly.

Her.

Hermione

He was now facing her, but not looking at her, his face pressed into her hair, inhaling big gulps of her scent like a drowning man searching for air.

 _Hermione._

So he kissed her.

A soft kiss that turned more passionate as she pressed her whole body into his, raising herself on her tippy toes to be closer to him. Severus brought his arms up to hold her in the mid back, squeezing her against him. He didn't dare touch her anywhere else than that small innocent stretch of her back. Soft lips, demanding more, never getting enough of him.

So wrong.

So right.

She kissed him and kissed him and kissed him.

And he kissed her back.

All the while trying to ignore the feeling in the pit of his stomach that was telling him that all these actions were making it all worst.

After a few breathless, passionate minutes he stopped kissing her by turning his head away. Hermione understood but couldn't ignore how much she wanted him.

 _What have we gotten ourselves into?_

She dropped her head and released her hold on the back of his head. It was slightly awkward, between their intimate position and the fact that both of them had trouble breathing. Hermione, hesitating, moved to rest her head on his chest.

A very strange way for a teacher and student to be placed indeed.

She still couldn't believe it.

Her and Severus Snape.

Severus was still holding her in a tightly against him. The feeling of her body against him was heaven.

But he felt so guilty.

So, so _guilty_.

He couldn't do this to her anymore.

He needed to stop it all.

Once and for all.

He released her and turned to open the door.

He didn't look at her.

Just stop it.

He was trying to muster all the hate he felt for this whole situation, this whole war, his whole _life_.

Just stop it.

And then, with his most deadly and cold voice he whispered 'Get. Out.'

Hermione obeyed.

All her being was pleading for her to stay, to go back into his arms, to continue kissing him, but his voice translated so much raw hate towards her that she couldn't force herself to act.

Instead, she left him, walked right past him like an automate, keeping her composure until she'd reached her dorms, had unclothed herself and had stepped under her scathingly hot shower.

Then she wept.

A waterfall of tears that couldn't be stopped.

She dropped to the floor of the shower and lay on her back as waves of sadness overcame her.

The hot stream from the shower hit her body as she desperately tried to calm herself.

It's not him.

It's the war.

It's not really him.

It's only the war.

Repeating that and repeating that until someone banged on the door, asking her to get out.

…

Severus knew it was for the best.

He just hopped that he didn't have to see her anymore.

He needed to concentrate on the task at hand, on his role in the war.

 _You were never good enough for her._

 _Just like you were never good enough for Lily._

 _Never good enough._

 _Didn't deserve her._

 _Too old._

 _Too bitter._

 _Too ugly._

 _Not for her._

And he kept repeating that whenever he relapsed and wanted to see her, wanted to hold her and kiss her and tell her he loved her and that she was his and he was her's and they were meant to be.

Kept repeating that to convince himself.

But it never fully worked.

…

'Ginnyyyy!' Hermione's singsong voice was barely heard in the cacophonous Gryffindor common room. They had just won the game against Slytherin, game during which Harry didn't play because he had detention with Snape.

Everyone was celebrating and the slightly intoxicated Hermione was trying to find Ginny to congratulate her for catching the Snitch. Somehow, Hermione had found herself with some Firewhisky that Neville had passed to her, mentioning something about Hagrid having some or something and Hermione had drank a bit too much, alone in her corner, thinking of Severus. It had been a week since their last encounter and Hermione still didn't know what to make of the situation. In class, he basically pretended she didn't exist. Nevertheless, she didn't feel hurt by his actions. It was the situation they both didn't like, not the people involved. For the millionth time, she wished that they were both free adults, instead of student and teacher. It would have made things so much easier. And then there was the war. It seemed like everyday, students were leaving Hogwarts and wizards were dying.

It was just so complicated.

Hermione looked down to the bottle of Firewhisky. The level of booze had gone down considerably and the alcohol she had ingested was muddling her brain and making her less aware of the consequences of her actions.

So when Ginny finally came in, changed into muggle clothes and with a big smile, she'd ran up to her and hugged her. Then, Hermione dragged her over so that they could talk.

About Severus.

'Ginny, Ginny, Ginny' Hermione said while tapping Ginny's nose with each mention of her name,'who do you think is the sexiest teacher here?'

Ginny, who had been looking around, probably for Harry, and waving to all those who congratulated her, now turned her head and gave Hermione an incredulous grin.

'Damn Hermione! I didn't know you thought about those things!' she replied teasingly then lowering her voice she continued, 'but I certainly have to say Snape. He just looks so mysterious... but there not really any other competition for the title! Although... Lupin does have a certain charm... But don't you dare tell Ron! Oh, anyways, there's Harry!' And with that she was gone leaving Hermione alone again. She witnessed their kiss and felt happy for them.

But then she remember her own predicament.

So she left the party to go her dormitories and fell straight asleep, forgetting her Dreamless sleep potion, thus dreaming for the first time in weeks.

In her dreams, her and Severus were intertwined in a bed, sleeping peacefully.

…

About a week and a half later, Hermione received some unexpected mail.

She was sitting at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall for breakfast when a medium sized brown owl swooped down and dropped a white letter next to her plate of toast before soaring off.

Wondering from whom it was from, she turned the blank envelope over and opened it. Inside, she pulled out a piece of white paper. Scrawled in an unfamiliar writing was a small message. It read:

 _Hermione,_

 _I just wanted to write to you to say that I'm really really sorry for what I did to you. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I still wanted to tell you that I regret my actions and the damage they must have caused you._

 _Sorry again,_

 _Cormac_

Hermione finished reading the letter and felt rather surprised. She really had not expected Cormac to ever apologize, it just seemed so out of character for him to do so. Nevertheless, she was glad for his apology, even if she hadn't really thought of the incident in the past few months. Glancing up, she leaned forward a bit so that she caught Cormac's gaze. He was sitting further up the table and was looking at her nervously. Hermione nodded to him before looking away. She couldn't bring herself to smile at him. She wasn't fully sure if she forgave him. Truthfully, she just wanted to forget the whole shebang.

She went back to eating her cereal and smirked slightly as Ron looked away when Lavender entered the Great Hall. She hadn't felt anything really when they had broken up. If Ron was happier, then she was happy for him.

Harry was so blissfully happy with Ginny and it made her so thankful that they _finally_ ended up together.

She'd told him the other day of her discovery in the library. Even though she knew that Severus was the Prince, she still was curious to why he called himself so, and in all honesty, looking through the old Prophets was pretty interesting. So, when she had found the piece on Eileen Prince, she'd proudly shown it to the boys, just to prove her point that the Prince could have been female.

It was on that same day that Harry left with Dumbledore to find an Horcrux.

 **Author's note:** You can all guess what next chapter will be about… ;)

I put the letter from Cormac because even if I don't love him as a character, he's still human and I'm certain he feels some remorse for his actions.

As always, tell me what you all think, please!

Reviews:

WRose: No, he can't tell her really, as you know hopefully understand why :( Thanks for your review!

Sassyluv: Yes he will! Thanks :)

Mini pony lover: Thank you!

Amarenima Redwood: Thanks! Romeo & Juliet huh? Hope that's a good thing for all of you! ;)

littlesweetangel: Thank you!

ALIASTESIN: Hehehe I try! :P


	14. Chapter 14: Betrayal

It was almost midnight. Hermione and Luna had been sitting lookout outside of Snape's office for what now seemed like an eternity. They didn't speak often, for both were too wrapped up in their thoughts, wondering what was happening upstairs.

Hermione was glad to have Luna by her side, because even if she found the girl's beliefs rather questionable, she still was a really good friend.

And also, because if she was alone, she knew that she wouldn't hesitate to enter Severus' office.

Suddenly, Professor Flitwick burst into the dungeons, running at full speed.

'Death Eaters! Death Eaters in the castle!' he was shouting.

Hermione advanced towards him, shocked by his disheveled state and wild eyes. The news that Death Eaters had entered the castle unsettled her greatly. Hogwarts was supposed to be safe...

'Professor, what is happening?' she asked trying to keep her voice calm, when in reality she was preparing herself for battle.

Hogwarts wasn't safe anymore.

Flitwick sped right past them, not even acknowledging her question or their presence. Hermione shot a quizzical glance to Luna, who, for once, barely looked absent. Her brows were scrunched and she looked really confused. And also a bit apprehensive.

From outside, they could still hear the breathless voice of their teacher.

'Severus, you need to come back with me to help, Death Eaters are in the castle, everywhe-' Then, there was thump and Severus came out of his office. For someone that had just been told that Death Eaters were roaming the castle, he seemed to calm.

Way too calm.

If he was startled when he saw the two girls, he didn't let it show.

'Professor Flitwick has fainted, please go assist him, I need to go fight the Death Eaters' he said quickly, while looking around. Had Hermione not known him better, she wouldn't have noticed that his speech faltered ever so slightly when he mentioned ''fighting the Death Eaters''. His orders delivered, he set off down the hallway, his pace faster than usual. Hermione and Luna sped into his office, but Hermione hesitated before entering.

She couldn't just let him go.

'Luna, I need to ask Snape something, take care of Flitwick' And without looking back, she sped down the corridor to him.

Severus Snape.

He heard her footsteps and wasn't surprised that she had followed her. Part of him wanted to speak to her, the other part of him was too busy keeping himself together.

 _This is it._

 _This is what I've been preparing for._

 _Albus…_

Already pain was creeping its way through his body and into his very soul.

He needed to stop her.

'Go away Granger' He said coldly, not turning to look at her still behind him, trying to keep up with his rapid pace.

 _Just please leave_.

A strong hand on his arm, stronger grip than he'd expected, then a force yanking him around. Or at least trying to.

 _No, no, NO! Please don't make me do this!_ Severus wanted to cry to her.

Taking all her courage, fighting away her nervousness, Hermione did what she thought was right. She couldn't let this dark and tormented man get away without speaking her mind.

And so she did.

'NO, Severus Snape, you listen to _me_ , you can't just leave without saying goodbye, what if you don't come back, or _I_ don't come back, I won't let you, I'm done with all this, you owe me at least a goodbye, I care too much about you to-' Hermione was interrupted in her speech that had just burst out of her in the emotions of the moment, when Snape grabbed her hand and took it off his arm.

He turned around, robes swirling with him, anger, hate and contempt stretched clearly across his normally emotionless face.

'Oh _Granger_ , I don't owe you _anything_.' His beautiful voice filled with disgust and his handsome face disfigured by a smirk, by mockery. 'Did you really think that _I ever care about you_? That I ever _loved you_? You stupid little know-it-all, I was using you!' _No_ , he was crying inside as he felt the words leave his lips, _no no NO!_ 'Do you think I ever enjoyed kissing your _filthy_ lips? You loathsome mudblood, I-'

 _No_ , thought Hermione, _no, please no, this can't be happening!_

'STOP LYING!' She then screamed, outraged at his words, 'Stop, STOP LYING to me! This isn't you, you are _good_ , I don't believe this, please tell me why -'

 _I'm so sorry_ , he was screaming inside, _I'm so so sorry!_

'You don't understand anything you idiotic little girl' Severus' smirk became more pronounced as he started stepping back, stepping away. He was still deadly calm quite unlike Hermione. 'This whole thing _wasn't real_! How could you ever think I'd want you?'

 _Why do I need to do this?_

Tears were filling her eyes and her chest was heaving as she still tried to convince herself that he was lying, when each word he spoke was like a knife slashing at her skin.

 _I'm so sorry!_

Still, Hermione stood there, staring at the emotions etched across the face she'd grown to love, staring at him while he let out calm, collected breaths, waiting for him to tell her it wasn't true, that it was all lies, that he loved her, it was all part of his act, it wasn't true, it _wasn't true_.

He was dying inside.

 _It needs to be done_ , his conscience whispered.

He wanted to hold her, to apologize, to tell her it wasn't true, to tell her his reasons.

 _Do it._

Wanted to let her in, make her understand.

 _Do it NOW!_

'You _disgust me_.'

Severus turned and fled.

 _Go back!_

Fled away from the one human he truly and fully loved

 _GO back!_

Fled away from the girl he'd just broken.

 _GO BACK!_

All the while breaking down inside.

He blindly went his way through the chaos, through the fighting, getting the information he needed ('They're in the tower!'Someone had yelled) and shutting out the rest.

He had a task to do.

 _The pain._

Up, up, up the flight of stairs until he reached the door to the Astronomy tower.

Where he and Hermione had _almost_ kissed.

 _No. please no!_

Deep breath in.

Deep breath out.

 _You need to do this._

And his mask was in place, his heart was stored away and his mind was set.

It was his task, his role in the war.

 _No..._

A wordless spell made the door burst open as he entered. Amycus, Alecto, Yaxley and Greyback. Draco his wand out pointed at Albus.

He wanted to curl up and block out the world.

He didn't even bother wondering how Draco had managed to bring the Death Eaters into Hogwarts.

 _Albus._

Leaning against the wall.

 _Oh lord…_

 _Albus…_

'We've got a problem, Snape,' Amycus was talking but Severus barely registered his words.

All he cared about, all he was seeing was his frail, old friend slumped against the wall.

 _Albus._

And then the great wizard spoke.

'Severus…'

His voice made Severus want to explode and die.

Die right then and there so he didn't have to face his destiny.

Just curl up and die.

Die.

Pushing Draco aside, Severus walked towards the greatest Headmaster Hogwarts had ever had.

 _Please make this all stop!_

The rest of the room, the Death Eaters, the werewolf, his godson, all of that melted away, as Severus took in Albus for the last time.

 _The last time._

'Severus… please…'

Begging.

He couldn't do this.

Begging for death.

He had to do this.

He raised his wand hand that felt as heavy as lead.

 _No…_

 _Please, no…_

 _PLEASE!_

' _Avada Kedavra!_ '

A jet of green light left his wand and struck Albus in the chest.

A jet of green light that made the man raise in the air because of the force of the spell.

A jet of green light that made his friend fall backwards and out of sight.

 _No._

 _NO._

 _NO!_

Agony.

Pure and utter agony.

Coursing through his veins, pumping all around his body, to his heart…

 _It is done._

 _Albus, the great wizard, the caring Headmaster, his friend is gone._

 _Forever._

Only all his training, all his ingrained instincts as a spy made him able to move.

 _Gone._

'Out of here, quickly,'

 _Dead._

He was on autopilot as he grabbed Draco by the scruff of his neck and left with him through the door of the tower.

 _I killed him._

Down the stairs he went, down, down, until he reached the scene of the battle.

 _Just let me die with him._

Gracefully, he made his way through the wreckage, as is he wasn't really there.

Because he wasn't really.

His body was, but his mind was with Albus.

Through the battle, through the disarray of curses and spells and hatred and death, although most didn't know about it yet.

 _The pain._

'It's over, time to go!' he shouted, because he knew he had to.

 _Just let me die._

He was absent as he left the battle torn castle, running away with the other Death Eaters.

The gates were getting close.

 _Albus…_

Then, suddenly, a cry of 'Stupefy!' and a jet of red light that passed by him, missing him completely.

 _Potter._

'Run, Draco!' The words escaped his mouth before he had time to formulate them. He was breathless with pain as he turned around.

 _Oh god, oh god, he is gone…_

He raised his wand as he stared at the child who needed to save them all in the end.

'Cruc-' But he blocked the curse easily, which threw the boy off his feet in the process.

 _Albus is gone._

'Cruc-' Harry tried again, this time aiming at another Death Eater, but Severus stopped that spell also, sneering. He needed to incite hatred out of the boy for this all to work.

 _I am a killer._

'No Unforgivable Curses from you, Potter! You haven't got the nerve or the ability-' And still Harry tried again, but Severus blocked him again.

Again.

 _Hermione…_

'Fight back!' The boy then screamed, his voice full of hate, wanting to hurt, to see him _dead_ , 'Fight back, you _cowardly_ -'

That one word was a mistake.

'Coward, did you call me, Potter? You father would never attack me unless it was four on one, what would you call him, I wonder?' Rage filled him up.

 _Albus, Hermione, I am so sorry!_

'Stupe-' Severus deflected his curse again, wondering when the boy would learn.

 _Just make it all stop._

'Blocked again, and again, and again until you learn to keep your mouth shut and your mind closed, Potter! Now come!' Severus sneered at Potter, putting up his mask and beckoned to the other Death Eater behind Harry. 'It is time to be gone, before the ministry turns up-'

 _Let me die too._

'Impedi-' roared the boy, then the other Death Eater performed the Cruciatus curse on him, forcing Harry to the ground.

'No!' Severus screamed and the curse was lifted. 'Have you forgotten our orders? Potter belongs to the Dark Lord- we are to leave him! Go! Go!'

He was running away now.

The pain was still everywhere.

From close behind him, he heard Potter scream 'Sectum-'

With a flick of his wand, the curse was parried, but Severus still turned.

Blinding rage filled him, mixing with the pain of losing Albus, of losing Hermione and creating an inferno of hatred.

Severus wanted to die.

Wanted to whole world to stop, to cease to exist.

'No, Potter!' He roared and the spell left him, throwing the boy backwards in the air. He heard the thump of his landing as he advanced to where the warrior had fallen, wandless, to his _mercy_.

 _Oh the pain!_

'You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? It was I who invented them- I, the Half-Blood Prince! And you'd turn my inventions on me, like your filthy father, would you? I don't think so… _no_!' The boy had leaped for his wand, his weapon, but Severus was faster, he'd thrown a curse at it and it sailed away into the night.

 _I killed him!_

Then, Harry turned to him, looked him straight in the eye with no fear, and asked: 'Kill me, then. Kill me like you killed him, you coward-'

And that broke Severus.

'DON'T CALL ME COWARD!' He roared into the night as the pain, the agony from all of it, from Hermione and Albus and the war and _his whole life_ , closed in, threatening to suffocate him. He sliced through the air with his wand, whipping and throwing the boy backwards again, when the beast appeared, rearing his claws as sharp as knifes.

Severus ran.

He ran and ran and ran as Buckbeak chased him, until he had cleared the gates and had disappeared.

It hadn't only been Albus who'd died tonight.

No.

A part of Severus had died also.

 **Author's note** : Phew! That was a hard chapter to write! I updated really fast this time (two days!) so if you guys could please please please leave me some reviews? I really love reading every single one!

Oh and btw, all the dialogue from the battle (basically anything y'all recognize) is taken word by word from the Half-Blood Prince and so I take absolutely no credit from the JK Rowling's work. Just thought I needed to put that little disclaimer :)

Big thanks to Amarenia Redwood, DutchGirl101 and Sassyluv who review every single chapter! You guys are great :)

Thanks to those who read too!


	15. Chapter 15 : Betrayal part 2

Hermione was in shock as she raced back to Severus' office, entered and found Luna kneeling over Flitwick's unconscious body. She bent down next to Luna and peered at her Professor's face. Remembering some of her first aid courses her parents had made her take in elementary school, she started taping the ground around Flitwick's body.

'Hello, Professor? Can you hear me?' she asked in a loud voice. When the man didn't stir, she looked at Luna, trying to keep the flow of panic at bay.

She couldn't bring herself to think about what had just transpired between her and Severus.

She just couldn't.

'What do we do Luna?' she said while waving somewhat erratically at their fallen professor.

 _Don't think._

'Perhaps we should bring him to the hospital wing…' Luna suggested mildly.

Hermione could've slapped herself for being so absent. Of course! She nodded then proceeded to levitate Flitwick's body.

 _Don't think!_

Walking quickly while keeping the professor levitated, they made their way to the infirmary. There was a tense silence in the air, for both of them were wondering about the battle.

And Severus.

No matter how hard Hermione tried, she couldn't rid herself of the look of absolute and total disgust, hatred and contempt that had seemed to have been carved into his pale face.

 _No._

 _It's not true._

 _It's not true._

 _Please, let it not be true._

Over and over again, her mind replayed the scene, repeated the words, like a mantra, keeping her going, keeping her together.

She was calm on the outside, but inside she was hanging on by one hand on the edge of the cliff of breakdown, of total despair.

 _It's not true._

 _All his act._

 _He didn't really mean it._

She kept one foot in front of the other as she sped towards their destination.

 _Don't feel._

Breath in.

Breath out.

You must keep yourself together.

You must.

Walking down the silent and deadly still hallways, Hermione and Luna didn't talk at all. Luna had her wand out and was leading the way, while Hermione was behind. It took them several tense minutes to finally reach the infirmary. Once they were there, Luna knocked on the closed door.

'Madam Pomfrey, it's Luna and Hermione with Professor Flitwick who's just fainted, please let us in?' the blonde girl asked quietly, while Hermione looked around nervously. The castle was too silent, and she really wondered what was happening with the battle.

 _Severus._

She shook her head roughly.

 _Don't think about him now._

The door to the hospital wing swung open. Madam Pomfrey popped her head out, took in the two girls and the levitating professor. She ushered them in silently and closed the door, putting the wards back up again. Hermione levitated Flitwick to the nearest unoccupied bed and then made her way to go back outside to help with the battle.

'And where exactly do you think you are going now dear?' The matron's stern voice made Hermione stop in her tracks and turn around.

'To help fight…' She replied as if it was obvious.

'Oh no dear, you and Luna are not going anywhere, you will help me here, I can't let you go out to fight! What would the Headmaster think of me?' Her tone left no room for argument.

Hermione wasn't certain if she felt thankful or mad for being kept in the hospital wing.

So she settled for not letting herself feel anything. It wouldn't do her good to worry about Harry, Ron, Ginny, Neville or anyone else.

 _Or Severus._

 _Stop it!_ She commanded herself internally. Whatever she did, her mind still always returned to the man.

Meanwhile, Madam Pomfrey had just finished the basic diagnostic spells on their fallen professor. She scrunched her brow and the waved her wand as she spoke the spell use to revive.

' _Renervate_ '

Flitwick opened his eyes as if he had been shocked. Glancing around, he attempted to rise, but Madam Pomfrey clasped her hands on his shoulders and pushed him down firmly.

'Not yet Filius, not yet. I'll get you a Calming Draught, just you wait.' With that the witch bustled off to the storeroom to get the draught. When the witch had left, Flitwick jumped up from the bed and started towards the door.

'No sir, you must wait, you need-'Hermione said nervously following him as he got closed to the door.

'I must go help my Ravenclaws, I can't stay here.' He replied, trying to sound confident, but Hermione could detect that he was quite shaken by the whole incident. Come to think of it, he didn't seem like the type of wizard to faint in such circumstances…

But her thoughts were interrupted when a loud banging started on the hospital wing doors. Madam Pomfrey came rushing out of the storeroom as the banging increased. Shouts could be heard from outside, voices that seemed to be those of Lupin, Tonks and possibly Ron. The matron waved her wand, disabling the wards then open the door to a mound of people.

Leading the party was Ginny, seeming unscaped, but had a wild look of fear and panic in her eyes. Following suite were Tonks and Lupin, each on one side of a levitating body. They rushed in and quickly deposited the body on a bed. Madam Pomfrey was ready on the scene, quickly performing the diagnostic spells while Lupin informed her of the situation. Ginny was at the head of the bed, staring at the bloodied face. Hermione had no idea who the man was, his features had been so marred by wounds.

'Greyback attacked' Lupin was saying quickly, as Tonks went to wrap her arms around Ginny's shaking body. 'Bill will probably not be a full werewolf…' Bill, Hermione realized as a muffled dragging was heard from behind her. She whipped around to see Ron, carrying Neville to a bed. Everything was happening so fast and intensely, Hermione had barely any time to think.

Ron brought Neville over and laid him on a bed, then jumped up towards Hermione. He had the same look as Ginny in his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her in a tight, but brief, hug. She desperately wanted to say something to him, to try to comfort him, but words failed her as he rushed off to his brother's bedside.

Trying to calm herself internally, Hermione went over to Neville, who was looking very pale and pretty absent. She held his hand as the boy smiled weakly to her, then groaned and clutched his stomach.

'Um,'Hermione said tentatively, not wanting to take the attention off Bill when he needed it so badly, 'Tonks, could you come help Neville here?' Tonks gave a reassuring squeeze to Ginny's shoulders, but the girl didn't react for her gaze was locked on her brother's face. Tonks then got up, brushing past Lupin who was helping Madam Pomfrey who was still unsuccessful at closing Bill's wounds. Frustration was clearly shown on Ron's face as spell after spell didn't seem to work on werewolf bites.

'What's wrong with you, Neville?' Tonks asked kindly, looking at him. Neville started explaining and Hermione quickly got up to get a Calming Draught from the storeroom. She then realized that in all the commotion, Professor Flitwick must have sped away and bit her lip worriedly. Grabbing the Draught, Hermione went back to Neville's bedside. Already he was looking much better, as Madam Pomfrey had taken a quick break to perform some healing charms on him before focusing her attention back on Bill. Hermione handed the Draught to Neville, who drank it, then curled up on his side and closed his eyes. Tonks looked over at Hermione and smiled sadly, before getting up and going back to Bill's bed. She went over also and took a place behind Ron. Not quite knowing what to say still, she decided to ask what had been on the tip of her tongue the whole time.

'Ron, do you know what's happened to Harry?' She asked, taking his hand with her own and turning him away from the grisly sight of his brother. Ron turned slightly but still kept looking at his brother as he answered absentmindedly.

'No Hermione, I haven't seen him…' But at the mention of Harry's name, Ginny seemed to snap out of her trance and looked up at Hermione. She could sense that the girl was conflicted, torn between staying at her brother's bedside and going to see the boy she loved. Ginny looked down one last time at her brother before getting up. Hermione met her and together they walked to the door, Hermione having wrapped one arm around the younger girl's shoulders.

'It's going to be okay, Ginny.' Hermione said finally, as the girl opened the door to leave. She smiled slightly at Hermione's attempt to make her feel better, before turning around wordlessly. Hermione stood there, watching her friend leave and tried for the millionth time _not to think_.

 _You disgust me._

Shaking her head again to dispel that horrid memory, Hermione closed the door and turned back. She went over to Ron and without thinking twice, gave him a hug from behind, putting her arms around his waist and intertwining her hands. She squeezed slightly before letting go. Ron turned, ashen faced and closed the distance between both of them, wrapping his arms around her waist. Hermione responded and held him, to comfort herself and him too.

And then, finally, she let herself think.

She wondered where he was.

If he was hurt.

If he was still fighting.

If he was thinking of her.

If he regretted his words.

They just couldn't have been true. It didn't make any sense. What they had, their strange and messed-up relationship, had been real. It had been. It had never even crossed her mind that maybe he didn't feel the same way for her.

But then again...

He'd never sought her out.

He'd never made the first move.

She'd always been the one to touch him first, to go to him in the dead of night and never the other way around.

Her breathing started to speed up as she thought about all those factors that she'd never paid attention to before.

Tonight hadn't been the first time he'd pushed her away either.

 _No..._

But his harsh words filled with disgust and hatred were being screamed in her head again.

And again.

An all too familiar pang in her stomach occurred then, the same pain she'd felt when Ron had kissed Lavender for the first time all those months ago.  
 _  
No..._

But doubt was now in her mind, whispering dark thoughts all around.

 _You disgust me._

She needed to get out.

She let go of Ron suddenly, breaking their embrace, and made to head towards the doors to the hospital wing when they opened and in came Harry, holding Ginny's hand.

At once, Hermione ran to him and hugged him, reassurance filling her now that she knew that her friend was safe.

'Are you alright, Harry?' asked Lupin, who had followed Hermione.

'I'm fine... How's Bill?' He replied glancing over Hermione's shoulder.

Silence filled the room as they all approached Bill's bed again. Words were exchanged about Bill's condition before Ron cut through.

'Dumbledore might know something that'd work, though.' He said looking around at the others, willing for them to agree with him. 'Where is he? Bill fought those maniacs on Dumbledore's orders, Dumbledore owes him, he can't leave him in this state-'

'Ron- Dumbledore's dead', Ginny said quietly.

'No!' Shouted Lupin as he looked from Ginny to Harry before falling into a chair at Bill's bedside.

Lupin's reaction was the same as Hermione's, but she managed to contain her's.

 _Dumbledore?_

 _Dead?_

Tears filled her eyes and sadness overcame her as she thought of the mighty wizard, the amazingly eccentric Headmaster...

But who could've done it?

Who would have committed the unbelievable crime?

'How did he die? How did it happen?' Tonks asked, her words mirroring Hermione's thoughts.

'Snape killed him.'

And with that one sentence, Hermione's whole world came crashing down.

 _No._

Hermione clapped her hands over her mouth to keep from screaming and falling to the ground out of pain.

 _No._

 _No it can't be true._

 _But..._

But...

But it is!

Betrayal coursed through her every vein as the gravity of the situation, the horrible, horrible truth set in.

Severus, her Severus, had killed Dumbledore.

Harry started to tell his tale, but his words were lost to Hermione's ears as she tried not to die right then and there.

 _It hadn't been real._

 _Any of it._

Her doubt from earlier was now completely and utterly confirmed.

 _Severus..._

He had never wanted her.

He had manipulated her from the start to the finish.

Outside, a song had started, a strikingly beautiful song of despair.

The phoenix's song.

It filled Hermione with such sadness she thought she would burst.

 _Oh gods, oh gods, Severus!_

She wanted to scream it out in pain.

McGonagall burst into the ward. She spoke but all Hermione could do was stare, stare at her mouth moving and at the others responding. Their words swirled around without Hermione being able to grasp them. But it's not as if she wanted to do so either.

All she knew, all she cared about, was that the only man she had ever loved, the only man she thought she would ever love, had betrayed her.

That man was a _killer_.

Was still a _Death Eater_.

Was still _Voldemort's servant_.

Oh the pain in her heart, the pain in her soul were almost unbearable.

Tears were falling silently down her cheeks.

Her chest was heaving and she had trouble breathing.

 _Severus..._

The world started to spin and she wondered quietly if she would faint when, in a moment of clarity, she heard Harry ask looking at her: 'So if Ron was watching the Room of Requirement with Ginny and Neville, were you-'

And she then she pulled herself together, only enough to whispered the whole thing, from the waiting with Luna, to seeing Flitwick, to letting Severus go...

'I was so stupid, Harry! He said Professor Flitwick had collapsed and that we should go and take care of him while he- while he went to help fight the Death Eaters-' It was too much. The pain of his betrayal and the shame she felt all over.

He loved me! She wanted to cry out. He kissed me and held me and, and-

But he had never said he loved her out loud.

He had never acknowledged any feelings for her.

What he really had done was manipulate her and lie to her.

Hermione continued, now hidden behind her hands as tears

'We went into his office to see if we could help Professor Flitwick and found him unconscious on the floor…' Realization then hit her square on 'and, oh, it's so obvious now, Snape must have Stupefied Flitwick, but we didn't realize, Harry, we didn't realize, we just let Snape go!'

Stupid, idiotic girl, blinded by love.

And then Hermione was gone again, swept away from her own grief. Molly and Arthur entered, Fleur too, but still Hermione was absent.

 _Severus..._

A killer.

During the days leading up to Dumbledore's funeral, Hermione almost only slept. That was her only way to escape the total pain she felt during her every waking hour. She spent so much time crying, her eyes now seemed puffy in permanence. But she did all that in private. She couldn't let anyone know the suffering she was going through. When she was with her friends, there was no way they could have guessed anything.

She cried herself to sleep.

She cried when she woke up.

In the shower.

Once, in a fit of cold fury, she had spent hours in the library, perusing the old Prophets until she found it, the last piece of evidence linking Eileen Prince to Severus Snape. When she'd found it, she had curled up in a ball and wept until she was numb.

The only truth Severus Snape had ever spoken to her, during the whole time they had been entangled, was the bundle of words he'd yelled to her the night he had killed Dumbledore.

' _Did you really think that I ever care about you? That I ever loved you? You stupid little know-it-all, I was using you! Did you think I ever enjoyed kissing your filthy lips? You loathsom mudblood, I-'_

She still remembered every single sentence that had left his mouth that night.

And so she laid there, the night after the great wizard's funeral, after having cried and cried on Ron's shoulder, she laid there on the cold stones of the Astronomy Tower, thinking about the man she once loved.

The man she _still_ loved.

It was so utterly fucked up.

There was no other way to put it into words.

But she still loved him.

She still loved Severus Snape the killer, the betrayer, the one that had broken her heart.

Because, try as she had, try as she still was doing, she couldn't fully accept it.

She couldn't accept that Severus was evil.

She couldn't accept that they'd never had anything.

Although she chastised herself, although she called herself stupid, ignorant and blind, although she screamed and cried that he was a murderer, that he'd betrayed her, her heart wouldn't cooperate.

All she knew, was that deep down, deep, deep down, her heart still held on to the shred of hope that hadn't been destroyed by everything that had happened.

The last shred of hope that whispered: Maybe it's still part of his act.

Maybe it's not what it seems.

Maybe it's all part of a bigger plan.

Maybe…

Just maybe…

He still loves you.

 **Author's note:** Seems like Severus' plan backfired huh? Hermione hasn't quite abandoned hope… I'm thinking that next chapter will cover most of the hunt for the Horcruxes, but I don't want it to seem too rushed but at the same time, I don't want there to be too many chapters without any Severus and Hermione interaction… What do you guys think?

Also, same as last chapter, any dialogue you recognize is not mine, it has been taken from The Half-Blood Prince :)

And wow! I am so grateful for all of your reviews! That was amazing! Please, don't stop!Let me know what you think! It always makes my day :)

Martionmanswife: Thank you! :)

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Sassyluv: Hard to write and read I guess then! Thanks :)

DutchGirl101: Thank you!

megzela: We'll need to see if anything comes up between both of them… I hadn't really thought about it, but thanks for the idea! Thanks!

Renata Brazil: Awww thanks so much! Don't worry, I won't stop writing this fic! :)

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Hidingsun: Ouf updating that fast is not my strong point… Sorry hehehe!

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C. : Oh sorry hehehe! Thank you!


	16. Chapter 16 : War

The only way to survive was to block out the pain.

Block her out.

Block Albus out.

Whatever you do, JUST.

DON'T.

FEEL.

Don't feel.

Pretend you are okay.

Immerse yourself in your role, your character you had to play.

Don't feel.

And so that's what Severus did. He became the cold unfeeling monster that Hermione had once blamed him to be. He blocked out all the pain that threatened to shut him down.

He used that summer to do so.

Slowly, he took every thought, every emotion, every memory that was attached to Dumbledore and Hermione. He took all of them and carefully, without looking at them for a last time because he knew it would break him, placed them in a dark little corner in the back of his mind. He closed that door, took the key and made it vanish, all while promising himself to never, ever visit that place in his head again.

Ever.

…

Having to erase her parents memories was probably one of the hardest things Hermione had ever done. She was an orphan now. Her parents didn't know they had a daughter. They didn't know about magic, they didn't know that Hermione had a cat, they didn't know, oh god, they didn't know anything!

Breath in.

Breath out.

Don't cry Hermione.

Keep it together.

Don't cry.

…

' _Sectumsempra!_ '

The spell missed his fellow Death Eater and hit one of the, hopefully fake, Potters.

 _Shit_.

It wasn't meant for him! Severus, you fool!

…

Mad-Eye was dead.

George had lost an ear.

Because of Severus.

Hermione was lying in a bed next to Ginny at the Weasley's. The wedding was soon. Harry's birthday was tomorrow. It had been exactly 43 days since Severus had killed Dumbledore. 43 days during which Hermione had varied between believing that he was an actual Death Eater and believing that it was all part of some messed up plan.

And she still didn't know which one to fully believe.

…

The children would be walking up to the castle in two weeks time. Boys and girls, all too young to have to suffer through this year with him as Headmaster. He knew what he must do to keep the Dark Lord's trust, but he still wouldn't do anything more than necessary. He would do his best to spare them all.

He wondered briefly if _she_ would be there.

Then, he shook himself from that traitorous thought that seemed to have escaped from deep inside. He wouldn't allow it.

…

Hermione's name was in the papers. Black cold letters on the rough front page of the newspaper. Part of the list of the names of Muggle-borns that were wanted for questioning. She wondered briefly if he'd seen her name there.

Then, she shook herself from that traitorous thought that seemed to have escaped from deep inside. She wouldn't allow it.

…

The nerve! The absolute and total idiocy! The damned Gryffindor courage!

What had they been thinking? Infiltrating the _Ministry?_ That place was crawling with Death Eaters and all those loyal to the Dark Lord! They only barely escaped capture!

The little snippets of information Severus received from the portrait of Nigellus were enough to make him fear the outcome of the war. He had hoped that the verbal beating he had given Potter would have been enough to slap some sense into him. They couldn't go on without a structured plan. Still, with her help and the Weasley boy hopefully they will be able to concoct some sort of plan.

Hopefully.

…

Ron leaving them, abandoning them, was like another stab to Hermione's heart.

She cried that night, when Harry had stopped pacing around and had went to bed, she cried because Ron words brought back _his_ words too.

Hermione then wondered if he missed her as much as she missed him. If he ever thought of her.

But she only allowed herself that one night to cry. She only allowed herself that one small moment of weakness, before shutting out the thought of Severus again. She was stronger than that.

She was Hermione bloody Granger, know-it-all and Harry Potter's best friend.

She was able to do this.

Hold on just for today, don't think about him, you'll be okay.

Hold on just for today, don't think about him, you'll be okay.

She kept repeating that over and over and over again.

…

' _Expecto Patronum!_ '

It didn't work.

No matter how many times Severus cast the spell.

His patronus had changed shape.

Whereas before the incantation would've made a beautifully strong but at the same time gentle doe with Lily's eyes appear, now there was only _this_ creature.

This mischievous and playful but clearly intelligent otter with the most enchanting eyes, more stunning than Lily's had ever been.

Hermione's eyes.

Oh god.

Oh great gods.

He really did love her.

Truly and fully.

Body and soul.

Severus collapsed to the frozen grounds in the forest of Dean. He was on all fours and breathing heavily as for the first time since Albus' death tears flowed freely down his face.

Why, why, WHY?

Why did there need to be a war, why did he need to be this cold heartless bastard!

But most importantly, why did he need to have fallen for her?

Abandoning, he let himself turn over and fall onto his back, barely feeling the cold terrain through his cloak. His face was screwed up in mask of complete anguish as he let out the agonizing scream he'd been holding in since that fateful night when he'd taken the great wizard's life.

Hermione.

Oh god.

He lay there sobbing uncontrollably as snow continued to fall on him. Inside, he was drowning under the weight of his responsibilities, under the weight of his past actions, under the weight of losing her as well as every single person he's ever loved.

He cried and yelled hysterically, trying to free himself from all his pain, from all his suffering as he struggled to remain afloat, to not drown in his agony.

Hermione…

Hermione!

HERMIONE!

He needed her. He needed her like a flower needed sunlight and water, like a man needed oxygen.

And so, he managed to pull himself out of the lake of his own despair and find _that_ door.

The locked door that hid all his memories of her.

All his _best_ memories.

 _But where was the key?_

And that sobered him.

He stopped crying, rose to his feet and instantly his mask was back up.

He needed to do this.

As he hastily wiped his tears off his cheeks with the back of his hand, he was crazily reminded that all this pain had made him feel human for the first time in a long while.

An insane thought that made him even more convinced to bring back his rock-solid facade.

There would be no more cracking in his defenses.

It was his duty.

He needed to do this.

But his patronus had to be a doe. She couldn't know about the otter that resembled her so greatly. She needed to believe that he had always loved Lily.

And so, he did what he had done during more than half of his life. He disguised his patronus, willed it to take the shape he had hidden for so long, thus insuring that it was a doe that led the boy to the sword.

Then, Severus left, totally devoid of any emotion. …

Hermione sat on the soft white sheet that covered her bed at Shell Cottage, while staring at the word etched across her right forearm. No amount of Dittany seemed to be able to erase her new scar.

 _Mudblood._

She traced the rough edges of the word that Bellatrix had carved into her arm, transfixed.

Up, down, tracing letter by letter with her finger.

She bit back the sob that threatened to escape her tightly closed lips as she read the word.

Because, each and every single time she read it, it was in _his_ voice that it was screamed in her head.

 _Mudblood._

…

She had been tortured but he didn't care. Couldn't care, otherwise the pain would overtake him and make him lose his mind. He was emotionless, unfeeling and blank.

He needed to be like that.

Cold snarky bastard.

Sarcastic old bat.

Evil ugly git.

Keep up the appearances.

Don't let it show.

Hold on just for today.

Almost there.

Almost done.

Almost _dead_.

…

This was it.

The battle was near.

Hermione paced inside of the room of Requirement, waiting for it to start.

She was ready.

She was a cold strong warrior.

She could do this.

It was almost, almost over.

She didn't think of Severus, didn't wonder where he was and if he was thinking of her. Instead, all her thoughts were concentrated on finding and destroying the last of the Horcruxes and hoping, desperately hoping that Harry wouldn't die.

He was the Chosen One and this was his destiny.

…

'My Lord-'

'The Elder Wand cannot serve me properly, Severus, because I am not its true master. The Elder Wand belongs to the wizard who killed its last owner. You killed Albus Dumbledore. While you live, Severus, the Elder Wand cannot be truly mine.'

Then, Severus knew.

Even as he let out a protesting : 'My Lord!' He knew his time was up.

He was going to die.

The realisation shot through him, coursing through his every vein, muscle and organ.

This was it.

'It cannot be any other way,' Voldemort was saying coldly, as detached and as deadly as Severus had crafted himself to be, but, in the end, he had…

He had _failed_.

'I must master the wand, Severus. Master the wand, and I master Potter at last.' He had failed to give the boy the last bit of information, the crucial final piece of the puzzle that would enable him to defeat the Dark Lord once and for all.

Regret filled him up to the brim, threatening to make him break down. All his work, his countless years spent trying to right his wrong, all of that in vain.

But he wouldn't give up. He was stronger than that. He watched the bastard raise his wand and slash the surrounding air and as he raised his own to meet the threat, momentarily thinking he'd been spared, that he been given another chance, a final chance, to redeem himself. But then, the spherical glass cage holding the serpent rolled over and Severus could only observe as death came rolling to him, locking him in a cage invisible to the eye, similar to the one he'd been in for more than half his life.

' _Kill._ '

Severus tried, tried to rip the cage off, desperately tried to free himself, but to no avail. Nagini lunged and his powerful fangs pierced his neck.

As he fell to his knees his thoughts jumped from his failures, to the outcome of the war, to the _pain_ , the pain that wrapped him all up before settling, _finally_ , after all this time, on _her_.

Outside, he could feel his life rapidly leaving his body, as fast as the blood gushing out of his neck. The poison in the snake's fangs was burning it's way through his veins, and somehow he knew that once it had reached his heart, he would be fully paralyzed. He became so acutely aware of every nerve in his body, a cruel effect of the spreading poison.

But inside, he was running, racing, out of breath, full of pain, falling, now crawling, to that _one_ door. The dark hidden door that withheld all his memories of _her_.

 _Hermione!_

He reached it, and as he tried to open it, he remembered.

He couldn't open the door for he had thrown away the key.

Instead he lay there, crumpled on the floor, a dark pool of black robes sobbing with grief, separated, by a wall of his own making, from the only being that had ever truly loved him. He screamed out in his mind, in more pain by the separation than from the actual poison that was killing him. He scratched hysterically at the door, yanking on the knob, pounding on the frame, in total and utter agony. After all he'd went through, he wasn't even allowed peace, wasn't even allowed to be with the one he loved. Part of him wanted to die, right then and there, but his other half cried out for any, any last small moment he could spend with her, even if they were only in his mind. The physical pain was nothing, _nothing_ to this internal torture. Why couldn't he be with her? Why was fate denying him, him a _dying_ man, his final wish? All he cared about, all that he had ever wanted, body mind and soul, was hidden behind that evil, _evil_ door. Tears were pouring freely out of his eyes, suffering paralyzing his whole body. But, he didn't give up. He kept hitting the door, bashing his fists against it, ripping it's wood off, bit by bit with his nails, throttling the door nob. Over and over and over, as the nightmare continued, never waking from his own self-created hell.

 _Hermione!_

He screamed her name, roaring it with so much raw passion that his voice left him and he was breathless, but still achingly hoping that maybe, somehow, it would bring her to him.

And then, suddenly, so suddenly. _she was there_.

Behind the Potter boy and in front of Weasley, a breathtaking vision of beauty and pain all in one soft portrait.

Oh god, oh _god_ s, she was there!

With him at last!

He drank in the sight of her, committing every last small detail of her appearance memory. From her tear-filled soft eyes, to her wild hair he loved so much, to the few thin scratches that were on her gorgeous face. She'd grown up in the past year, her face becoming more elegant and defined, but still bearing signs of being slightly underfed.

But the anguish.

The anguish is what tore his eyes away from her's, that made him remember his role as his gaze crossed the path of the Potter's. Lily's son holding his neck, trying to stop the flow of blood.

He wanted to chastise the boy, no, not anymore, the man, for attempting to stop death from taking him. Rather, he used what little energy he had left to give him his memories.

'Take… it…' Each word was like another stab to heart, for his last words should've been for her!

To tell her how much he loved her.

'Take… it…'

He watched as realization crossed the boy and how quickly she was to react.

She was truly brilliant.

The flask was conjured and their eyes met for the first time and last time.

Gods, she was so beautiful.

But, he. Couldn't. Look. At. Her.

Not after he'd so carefully crafted the lie that he had always and only loved Lily. She needed to believe it. Otherwise, he would hurt her more than he'd already had. She could never know how much he loved her.

Never.

So, he ripped his eyes from her's, and focused on his last words.

'Look… at … me…' Harry turned but Severus didn't see anything anymore. He was back inside his head, standing up as energy filled his core. The door in front of him, mocking him, was blasted aside as a rush of memories flooded his mind.

Hermione face being lit up by her tentative smile, making all her delicate features shine.

Hermione coming to him in the dead of night, to be with him, to hold him, to kiss him.

Hermione concentrating on the potion she was brewing, as she nibbled on her poor bottom lip.

Hermione's doe-brown eyes meeting his as he sat at the high table, separated by his morals and role, soft eyes that brightened as she gazed into his black one's.

Hermione's scent engulfing him, making him lightheaded with happiness.

Hermione's lips on his, his hand in her bushy hair, his other holding her waist.

Hermione's heartbeat thudding loudly in the dark Astronomy tower as they haltingly grew closer and closer together.

Hermione's twinkling laugh, a sound so pure he wanted to hear every single second of every single day.

Hermione, Hermione, Hermione.

Oh gods, _Hermione_!

All his precious memories swirling around him as he gazed at each one in turn as they slowly encased him in a whirlwind of blindingly warm light.

And then...

 _Darkness_.

…

Hermione was freefalling.

Time seemed to have slowed down incredibly.

There was noise all around her, something that sounded like Voldemort's voice, but it was all hazy for Hermione.

She didn't feel anything.

She was completely devoid of feeling as she watched Harry get up with Ron. Still she stood kneeling next to the dark robes that were slowly being flooded by metallic smelling liquid.

It was as if nothing of all this was real.

Severus wasn't dying, he couldn't be, he…

Oh gods.

Reality slapped Hermione so hard she lost balance and almost fell to the floor.

He was dying.

Severus was dying.

'No!' The yelp left her lips and both boys turned to her as she leapt forward, tearing the bottom of her shirt off before putting it on his neck. Holding it there with one hand, with the other she frantically open her beaded purse and accioed a bottle of Blood Replenishing potion. She then yanked the top off and slowly poured it's contents down Severus' throat, taking care not to choke him.

Agony started coursing through her as she realized that she might lose him.

She might lose Severus.

'What are you doing?' Harry demanded suddenly, but Ron shushed his friend.

Oh Merlin, oh Merlin, no, you can't take him from me.

'Go to Dumbledore's office Harry, go, I'll take care of her.' Seeing as Harry wasn't moving, Ron shoved him towards the exit of the Shrieking shack with a last forceful 'GO!', before kneeling next to Hermione, grabbing her purse and accioying a bezoar.

YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM! She was screaming inside, dying inside, being torn apart from the pain, oh gods, the pain!

'Harry used this to heal me, remember?' Ron said breathlessly as he shoved the stone down Severus' throat, massaging the side that wasn't still bleeding. Hermione was only able to nod, knowing full and well that if she opened her mouth she would lose it.

The only thing keeping her together was the fact that Severus was still shallowly breathing.

She was still remaining strangely calm on the outside because she knew that panicking would do nothing for him.

She couldn't lose him.

Severus.

Severus, Severus, no.

No, no, no.

She kept shaking her head, desperately as she pushed the ripped piece of her shirt on his open wound.

But the blood flow wasn't stopping.

Oh gods, it wasn't stopping.

A hysterical yell bubbled inside her and she let it out as she collapsed on his blood-stained body.

SEVERUS! He couldn't leave her, he couldn't, no, no, no!

Ron was talking in her ear, telling her she needed to get up, that she would crush him, but she was sobbing into his chest, holding him to her, breathing in his comforting scent.

She was so lost.

So, agonizingly lost.

She couldn't lose him!

Tears were blurring her vision, she felt a stabbing pain in her gut similar to a knife slash.

Gods, they couldn't take him away from her!

No, no, no!

Please, not him!

Her mind seemed to be shutting down because of the pain. And the pain! Oh it was everywhere, from her head to her toes, to her very heart, tearing her from the inside.

Then it came to her.

 _Vulnera Sanentur._

She jerked off his robes and started to wave her wand over his open wound.

'Vulnera- Vul-' She tried again, this time closing her eyes as she moved her wand over his wound and stroked his hair.

He wasn't going to leave her.

' _Vulnera Sanentur, Vulnera Sanentur, Vulnera Sanentur_ ' She kept repeating it, repeating the spell he'd taught her more than a year ago, growing more and more calm, until she felt Ron's hand on her shoulder and she opened her eyes. She looked at Severus' pale face and at his now closed wound on his neck.

Severus.

'I'm going to levitate him, okay? Just keep- Keep repeating that spell.' And she did.

She repeated it as they walked back to the castle, walked through the maze of the battle and the stench of death.

She poured her heart and soul into that spell, never taking her hand from his limp one she had grabbed as they had left the shack.

She was his and he wouldn't leave her.

She gazed at his closed eyes and dark features.

Severus.

Long, hooked nose.

Full black eyebrows.

Chiseled pale face.

She didn't let any of it escape her scrutiny.

Severus.

Back in the castle, she kept repeating the spell, even though the wound had long since closed and his breathing had started up again. She was dimly aware of Ron explaining the situation to Madam Pomfrey, but apart from that she was unfeeling. It was as if her mind had left her body for fear that the amount of pain she was in would kill her. She had returned to the state she had been in when she's seen Severus be struck down by Nagini.

It felt like a lifetime ago.

Then, because she knew that if she laid down next to him she wouldn't be able to get back up, she left him to rejoin the battle. She only left him because she knew she had to. She was so absent, as is seeing him almost dying had robbed her of all feeling.

But, a part of her stayed with him, holding on to him as he slept, peacefully unaware that he was still alive.

 **Author's note:** Phew, what a ride!

Listen guys, I am so so so so SORRY! I haven't updated in a century almost! Yes life got busy, but I still feel pretty shitty for the time it took me to update. I truly apologize and I will try my best to never do that again.

Now for the story, please bear with me the fact that a bezoar and some blood-replenishing potion and Vulnera Sanentur probably wouldn't have work in JK Rowling's version, but I wanted Severus to live, okay :P And I think you guys wanted that too.

As always, dialogue you recognize is taken from the book.

Please let me know what you thought! This was a long chapter for me to write and I put lots of effort into it. I know I'm a shitty updater, but maybe you guys can forgive me and review? Pretty please with a cherry on top?

See you guys soon! :)


	17. Chapter 17 : End

It's over.

It's over.

It's done.

Hermione repeated those two sentences until they were firmly engrained in her mind. She repeated them as she wove through the debris of the fallen Hogwarts, around sobbing students and teachers alike, until she reached the area where most of the Order members were. Hands squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, but Hermione was in a daze. She saw a bunch of redheads, all grouped up, hiding from her eyes the fallen body of Fred.

 _Fred._

 _Tonks._

 _And Lupin._

 _Oh Merlin._

Hermione swayed on the spot as waves of hurt suddenly hit her. At once, Ron was at her side, and before she knew what was happening his arms were around her and they were wrapped in a tight embrace.

As she breathed in the comforting scent she'd associated to her friend, she realized the hug was as much for him than for her.

'You okay?' She whispered numbly in his ear. She felt him shake his head sideways as he softly started to cry. 'Let's get out of here, alright?' He nodded and she proceeded to lead him away, one arm around his waist as he absent mindedly wiped the tears from the corner of his eyes. He never liked to show weakness, she thought quietly.

…

 _After all this time?_

 _Always._

If Harry had known how much damage those two simple sentences would've caused his friend, he would have never spoken.

After Harry had told her, had told her everything, how Severus had grown up loving Lily, then how he'd overheard the prophecy and then had sacrificed his life to repair his mistake, Hermione needed to be alone for some time.

So she left her friends in Dumbledore's office. Yes, Dumbledore's office. Somehow, the room would always be Dumbledore's in her mind.

She walked slowly around the now silent castle, thinking.

She felt so detached from reality. It was as if she was some sort of different being watching this poor girl's life play out.

The fact that he'd been a spy, a double-agent always working for the Light, seemed to escape Hermione.

All she cared about could be resumed in two short sentences.

He'd always loved Lily.

He'd never loved her.

The truth was so simple to accept because it was just _so true_. So terribly and dreadfully true.

But true nonetheless.

It made the utmost sense.

With this knowledge now known, small details started appearing, details that Hermione had subconsciously ignore before.

Why he never instigated contact.

Why he rejected her.

Why he used the same word he'd called Lily, _Mudblood_.

But more importantly, _why he didn't look at her while he died._

Hermione had reached the Astronomy tower.

Fate, it seemed, had brought her back to the place she'd used once before as an escape, a hidden spot where she would be able to mend her broken heart.

Still, the pain she felt when she'd first seen Ron kiss Lavender was nothing compared to the agony that was slowly enveloping her. Her heart was being ripped out of her body, bit by bit.

Hermione shuffled quietly towards the center of the tower and let herself crumple to the ground, like a puppet that had his strings cut all at once. With great effort, she rolled over and closed her eyes.

 _Severus._

And then she wept. No, she sobbed, she screamed, she cursed, she cried, anything, everything, to get rid of this pain, to forget the truth, to forget her reality.

His cold, dark, misunderstood heart belonged to another.

 _NO!_

He'd never loved her.

 _Please, let it be false, please!_

Pain, pain everywhere.

 _Severus!_

He had _never_ _loved her_.

…

Hermione slept.

And when she wasn't sleeping, she was arduously working, helping to rebuild the castle.

She never broke down in front of others, she kept herself together on the inside, but all had noticed the change in her behaviour.

She was only a shell, only a simple carcasse of the women she'd once been.

She couldn't look at herself in the mirror anymore without feeling like an icy knife was stabbing her in the heart, over and over again.

Twice, she'd stayed in the shower so long, and under such a hot stream of water that she'd burnt herself and had to get burn paste from the Infirmary.

But she didn't care.

How could she, when all she wanted was to die?

Was to forget?

Was to fall asleep and never wake up, so that she never had to face her life again?

 _He never loved her._

…

One thing was certain, Severus wasn't dead.

He didn't know how he knew, it just seemed to be a gut feeling, similar to the one telling him they'd won the war.

Bit by bit, he was able to discern small moments, a familiar scent, a soothing voice, but they were all gone before he was able to grasp them in totality.

Until one day.

His ears seemed to tune in, finally, making him hear his first real conversation. The words were muffled and he wasn't able to understand them really, but they were real.

And he'd heard them

And he was _alive_.

…

'Snape's woken up! Snape's woken up!' Suddenly, there was Harry, running to her with a wide grin on his face, as he got closed and closer to her. He reached her then grabbed her arm, attempting to drag her in the direction from which he'd just appeared.

'Come on, Hermione! I've just been to the Infirmary, and Madame Pomfrey's told me, she just said that he was awake, he-'

'I don't want to see him, Harry.' Hermione's voice was flat but only she was able to tell that it had wavered slightly. Already, she felt the tears rising up from within and her heartbeat accelerating.

 _He was awake_.

Harry didn't seem to understand. His face broke into a look of almost comical confusion as he continued to tugged on her arm.

'But, _Mione_! You save his life, remember? He's still Snape, he'll still be a git about it, but you deserve to be thanked at least! Now, come on!'

'No Harry, I- I just can't, I can't, please, please don't make me-' And Hermione was gone, she was running away from him, from Severus, because she just couldn't face it.

He was alive, but the Severus she thought she had known, _he_ was dead.

She wasn't even able to hold herself together until she reached the Tower. She collapsed on the stone steps, sobbing. She didn't know how long she had stayed there before Harry found her, sprawled on the steps and had held her as she wept. He didn't ask any questions and she didn't provide any answers.

She was in too much pain to do so.

…

Two weeks, that's how long he'd been unconscious.

But thanks to a complicate melange of potions, administered daily by Madame Pomfrey, he was awake.

At first, he was visited everyday, by a slew of young and old wizards, all passing by to pay their respect to Severus Snape, the-evil-git-that-was-actually-always-good. It was funny really, how quickly the situation had changed. Then, the Infirmary's matron had put a stop to all the gawking and Severus had found himself alone again.

The only person he cared about hadn't visited him yet and Severus knew exactly why.

His plan had worked.

His meticulously devised plan that he'd created to limit the damage he'd caused when he'd fallen in love with her had worked.

Hermione now thought that he'd never loved her.

…

Hermione was leaving.

Her bags were packed and she was heading to Australia to find her parents and reverse the spell that had wiped their memories away.

She was going there and didn't know when she'd come back.

Harry and Ron had understood her motives and had offered to go with her, but she'd refused. She needed to do this by herself.

As Hermione's footsteps accompanied her down the stone steps leading away from the castle, away from her second home, away from safety and the people she loved, Hermione was at ease.

She was carrying her trunk, her beloved case that had followed her during seven years at Hogwarts filled with adventures but also sadness.

Oh yes, it was a bittersweet moment, finally leaving.

Finally over.

As she neared the apparition point, Hermione felt a slight twinge, that grew quickly into a pang of longing.

She still hadn't seen Severus.

By some miracle, she'd managed to escape him for the week and a half following his sudden awakening. Whenever she heard word of his presence, she'd find a way to disappear. The Astronomy tower had become her refuge. She'd go there to cry, to sleep, or just to be fully alone.

Alone was how she now felt walking away from everything she knew.

She still couldn't think about the wizard without being filled with hopelessness.

Pain inflamed her, pain similar to the night when he'd killed Albus, to the night when he'd almost died and to the day when Harry told her the truth.

 _He never loved her._

'Potter, have you any inclination to the whereabouts of Miss Granger?'

Severus had startled the boy and he tried not to grin wickedly. He'd just left the Hospital wing, after a whole lot of time spent convincing Madame Pomfrey that he was indeed fit to take care of himself now. He absolutely loathed being cooped up in there, stuck in a short of small white prison. When he'd been able to stand, he'd immediately let himself out, leaving only a note to advise Poppy of his departure. Even though he now had a slight headache from all this standing, he was feeling rather fine. Nevertheless, part of him still dreaded having to look in the mirror for the first time. He wasn't all that ready to face his new set of scars.

But all those thoughts were far from Severus' mind now. The only thing that mattered was finding Hermione.

And so, when he'd found Potter first, he allowed himself a slight weakness and had asked for help.

'Hermione's gone! She just left, but maybe she hasn't disapparated yet. Why do you want to see her?'

Gone?

Severus' heart leapt.

No, she couldn't leave!

'My business with Miss Granger is none of your concern, Potter.' With that, Severus nodded and was already striding away when he heard the boy yell after him: 'Good luck sir!'

Shaking his head slightly, Severus sped up.

He couldn't let her get away.

Not without telling her the full truth first.

He'd reached the exit of the castle now, had pushed open the large wood doors, when he stopped.

He had a choice.

He could tell her everything, why he'd done it all.

Or he could let her leave.

Let her find a better man, a younger man, a man that was whole and good and…

And…

A man that wasn't him.

…

Hermione had reached the end of the Hogwarts borders.

She turned to catch a last glimpse at the castle that had been such an important part of her teenage years.

'I'll be back' she promised quietly, breathing in the familiar bittersweet scent she'd always associated to the end of a school year. Nostalgia filled with excitement for what was waiting for her down the road.

Deep breath in.

Deep breath out.

Hermione closed her eyes and pictured the Ministry's clean hallways.

 _Goodbye._

'Miss Granger!'

That voice.

Footsteps.

Hermione would recognize that silky baritone anywhere.

Running.

 _Severus._

Running to her.

Hermione couldn't help herself.

She opened her eyes and oh Merlin, he was there, _he was really there_.

The war and Nagini's bite had changed him. He was thinner than she remembered, his face was as paler, his hair longer and the shadows under his eyelids were more pronounced than ever. He seemed a bit out of breath as he reached her. He slowed as he came closer, his dark inscrutable eyes never leaving her's.

 _He was there!_

'Miss Granger' He repeated calmly.

She could smell his scent and could almost feel his hot breath on her face.

Silence.

Severus didn't know what to say.

He could feel his heartbeat beating loudly in his chest and his breaths were coming out short and fast.

He didn't think it was possible for her to grow up to be more beautiful, but there she was standing in front of him, more gorgeous than ever.

Except for her eyes.

Her eyes were filled with sadness, with too much sadness for one so young as she.

And they were so cold.

So, so desperately cold.

Her eyes resembled his.

'You used to call me Hermione.'

An icy cold knife sliced through Severus' heart.

Hermione turned, unable to look at him anymore, unable to keep staring at his dark eyes that seemed to know everything, unable to stay around him, unable, unable…

Her own eyes were filling with tears as she started to walked away, unsure steps that put more distance between him and her.

 _He never loved you._

Severus didn't know what to do. He wanted to tell her, he wanted to scream to her that he loved her, that he needed her, but he couldn't make his tongue form the words she wished to hear. And so, in a precipitated attempt to keep her with him, to not let her leave, he reached out and grabbed her shoulder roughly.

'No. Her- _Hermione_ , please-' His voice sounded feeble, small and _desperate_. But Hermione whipped around, ripping his grip off from her shoulder. Her eyes were ablaze with a different kind of fury, a fury that scared him as much as it made his heart bleed for her.

'No!' She screamed, throwing her trunk on the ground in the process. 'No more!' Her voice spoke of all the pain she felt, of all the agony that consumed her. 'No more _Hermione_!' She mimicked his voice, his voice that sounded so cold in her mouth. 'I can't take this anymore! I - I- _You_ lied to me!' She took two full steps forward, so that she was only inches away from his heaving chest. 'You- lying _bastard_!' She pushed him hard with both hands. 'Why did you do it?' The ached in Hermione's heart was crying out now, demanding to be heard, to be felt. Severus tried to bring his arms up to hold her, to calm her, to shield her, but she pushed him away, screaming out again. 'Why did you use me? YOU BASTARD!' And she pushed him again, harder, advancing more, wiping away the tears that were now pouring freely from her eyes. 'It was all a lie, you-' And in one deafening blow she cried out the one sentence that broke him.

'YOU NEVER EVEN LOVED ME!'

And then…

 _Silence._

Hermione stayed where she was, curled up in a ball on the ground. She had no idea how she'd gotten there, the only thing she felt was this torture that was ripping her heart into shreds. She didn't even bother to cover up her sobs, she didn't care anymore, she just needed to escape this misery, to not feel, to forget, to leave-

' _EXPECTO PATRONUM!_ ' The incantation left Severus' lips before he remembered casting it, before he could think of a memory that was strong enough, as if it came directly from the deepest part of his heart, the part in which he kept all thoughts of Hermione.

His roar caused her to raise her sorrow filled eyes to catch a glimpse of him, breathless and hunched over, as if she had really physically hurt him.

And then she saw the patronus. She saw the silver otter that swum around her leaving a trail of silver vapor. She saw its soft fur, its four paws, its small nose and its eyes, its eyes-

They were her's.

She looked up at Severus again and for the first time, she could detect emotion in the cold dark pools of black that were his eyes.

Distress.

Agony.

Sorrow.

Despair.

Regret.

All of those emotions mixing together, each one stronger than the last, until, finally, one rose up, brighter than the rest.

 _Love._

And in one swift movement, he was around her, surrounding her in his heavy cloak, enveloping her in a shell, holding her against himself tightly, so tightly she thought she wouldn't be able to breath, shaking as he whispered hoarsely in her ears : 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry…' Over and over and over again, until he started to cry, soft tears that dripped into Hermione's hair.

And she clung to him, like he was her lifeline, because he was, he truly was, and he loved her, he had always loved her and he always would.

She was his and he was hers.

 _Finally._

And their love didn't need to be secret anymore.

…

Author's note: Well there we have it!

They are together at last!

I hope you have liked the story.

I might write an epilogue, I am not certain, what do you guys think? I really care about all of your opinions, so if you could let me know what you think of this story as a whole, that would be amazing! I am so grateful to each and every one of you guys.

I plan on written another Snamione fic, that will be called _Oh the places we will go_ , so put me on author alert if you want! This new fic will be rather different, for one, I will write the whole complete story before starting to post, so that updates will happen weekly. It will also be post DH and a very different story, or so I hope!

I can't express how much I've enjoyed this experience, nor can I thank all you readers and reviewers enough.

Until next time!

 _Raven_

P.S. I wrote this last chapter listening to _Running To The Sea_ by Röyksopp  & Susanne Sundfør, so give it a listen if you want to!


	18. Chapter 18: Epilogue

To say that everything from that moment onward was simple would be a lie.

Telling her parents had been a nightmare, same as telling Harry, Ron and Ginny. After a great deal of awkward conversations and even more awkward meetings, for her parents had insisted on meeting Severus, the general population seemed to get used to the idea that the two wizards loved each other. Surprisingly, Ron had put two and two together and had figured out that Hermione's feelings for Severus weren't new, explaining her reaction in the Shrieking shack. Even more surprising, he'd kept quiet about it all.

For Severus and Hermione had come to an unspoken agreement that they wouldn't reveal that their relationship had started when Hermione was still Severus' student. So far, Ron was the only one that knew for certain, but Hermione had a nagging suspicion that Harry and Ginny had their doubts too.

Their relationship wasn't simple either.

Yes, they had been secretive lovers for around a half year, but they didn't know each other yet. The only thing they knew were their feelings for one another.

So they started it all over again, from the beginning, in a more conventional manner.

It started off with invitations to eat together, rarely in a public place, for there still were a few renegade Death Eaters loose. With home cooked meals by Hermione, that were not always _that good_ , but that Severus never complained about.

It started off with smaller, more casual the teasing, the laughs and the tentative smiles. With Hermione and Severus rebuilding the castle, together. With them brewing in Severus' private lab, brewing potions that Severus used to start his own brewing business. He was done with all the teaching now.

It started with the smallest of gestures, from surprises letters in the mornings when they were separated, to remembering a story one had told. With hesitant kisses, hushed confessions and lots of instances when Hermione would bite her lip.

When Severus asked if Hermione wanted to move in with him, in a very quiet, self-conscious way, after almost two years of them being an official couple, she still hadn't heard him say that he loved her out loud.

She'd witnessed his silent displays of love. From the way he listened to her with rapt attention, slowed his pace so that they could walk side by side, in sync, or asked about her day, every day. From the way he would unconsciously brush the back of her hand during the times they'd hold hands, notice whenever she'd put more effort into her appearance, or would let her hold him when, sometimes, he cried softly at night.

The war had left its scars after all.

And he witnessed her silent displays of love. From the way she prepared him his favorite tea in the morning, told him to go to bed when he would lose track of time working, or took care to put everything back in its place once she'd finished brewing in his lab. From the way she sometimes lost interest in her book and took interest to watching him read, adored stealing his woolly jumper, the only red item of clothing he owned, or asked for his advice and really took it in.

The first time Hermione had told him she loved him, it had happened after a very enjoyable supper during which she had ingested a bit too much wine than usual. They had strolled back out in the streets, holding hands close together to keep warm, as snow fell softly above. Severus had said something that Hermione, at the time had found so incredibly witty and hilarious, had burst out in her laughs that Severus loved to hear so much. Giddy with happiness from the wine, the lovely diner and the man staring into her eyes with a look of fierce affection, of _love_ , Hermione had let the three little words slip out of her mouth before she could think twice.

It had been so natural, so effortless.

From that day onward, she'd repeat it often, whispering it in his ear softly or yelling it quickly as he left for work. She never expected a reply, she knew he'd tell her when he'd be ready.

Hermione had been on the verge of falling asleep that night, when she felt him shift next to her. Stuck in that realm between being asleep and being lucid, she'd barely registered his delicate touch as he traced the contours of her face, barely registered as he bent over her to kiss her lightly on her forehead before laying back down, wrapping his arms around her body and pulling her close to him. But she'll always remember the quiet way he whispered:

'I love you'

 **Author's note:** Yes I know, rather short epilogue… I hope you guys like it though!

Actually, writing this epilogue has really reinforced my feeling that I'd like this story to maybe, eventually, have a sequel… What do you think?

Thanks once again for accompanying me on this journey. I hope to hear from all of you guys in my next fic _Oh the places we will go_ ;)

Raven

Vadimmom: Thank you! And we'll see ;)

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SereniteRose:Your review made me smile so much! If you have followed me as an author then you should definitely get an alert from the new fic (still trying to figure out this site hahaha)! I can't wait to hear your feedback again with the new fic, if you don't mind, of course! So thanks :) 

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